|Reviews for Vampires?|
| Irish Eyes 63 5/23/12 . chapter 2
Okeeey, just make sure that you use appropriate grammar. It sucks if you read a story and you can't understand it because of the lack of commas or semicolons. Not going to lie, I love commas and I admit I use waaaay too many! Your sentences are very brief, maybe a bit too brief? Try explaining things in greater detail. Instead of saying Chase has blue eyes, black hair, and black clothing, you could go into a description about him. Saying that his glacier-like eyes made her heart go pitter-patter and his black as night clothing only inhanced the sickly paleness of his skin. Also, don't focus solely on Chase's physical features. I know that I hate when stories tell the character's height (usually above 6'0 by the way) and how amazingly good looking they are. I am guilty of doing it, but it's like reading with glass in my eye! Anyways, I do like the plot line of this story and I can't wait to see what you do to develop the upcoming climax. I hope the best for your future chapters! Can't wait :]
| Irish Eyes 63 5/23/12 . chapter 1
Interesting, just like before.
A few mistakes, though. wouldn't use so many (ksjfblasb) because they take away from the flow that your story has. Make sure that you keep in the same pretense and that you don't revert from present to past to future and then back to past. I liked the part about her teacher having to call an ambulance because she was so pale! Made me literally laugh out loud!