Your writing talent is apparent from your use of very descriptive phrases for both the atmoshphere and the characters (especially with the fairy tale). Wow, this is a very long prologue. I'd suggest you cut it down and incorporate some of it into your first chapter.

Also suggest you indent more and seperate more of the dialogue from those paragraphs. For me it was harder to follow along with so many sentences grouped together.

The very beginning threw me for a loop at first and was confusing when it turned out to be a fairy tale being told by Darian. Right now I don't know if the tale will relate to the rest of the story or not. It should. If not, then you should cut it but I'm sure it's important as a metaphor about stories not always ending happily ever after.

I would also like a hint early on as to the power of the Dark Eyes as mentioned in your introduction. If you would elude to that in some small detail that would spark even more interest from your readers. Overall, you have very well defined characters and a story that at this point could go anywhere.

This is such an amazing start! I mean, I couldn't stop reading it and I can't wait to see what else is going to happen! You are an amazing author and how you explain everything is just so cool to me :) Keep up the good work! :)

Love how you made the "flashback" tie into the start of the story. Love your style. Good dialogue, and good job with the historical part. Looking forward to more! I'm adding it to my community "Sultry Supernature" to hopefully help you get some exposure! Check out some stuff by the other writers there, won't you?

Loved it. :)

Kitty