You need to have shorter paragraphs.

It's not the amount of words you have. You need more spaces in between your paragraphs. You have too many blocks of words that run together. Create more white space between your words.

Paragraphs should be between 3-5 lines long, however this is not a rule.

Split this up into two or three chapters; WALL-OF-TEXT detracts from the overall experience.

Wow this story was great, very moving and sad :( also, love that title!

One suggestion; perhaps make the paragraphs a tad shorter.

Well anyways I see you're new here; welcome to fictionpress!

Keep writing sir/madam, you are fabulous!