|Reviews for Elements Revised|
| Kasafa 7/24/12 . chapter 2
Elements revised is amazing! I abaolutely love your writing style. :D
| ArchibaldClue 6/11/12 . chapter 2
I thought this chapter was quite good actually, more so than the first to be honest. I am having trouble actually understanding why it would be an issue to allow individuals to mingle and move about their own house when they are discovering their element. I get the sense that the government is supposed to be very repressive but im not exactly getting that vibe other than the locked doors until a certain time thing that goes on. I am sure that this will be developed later but at one point you mention that the documentary shows a kind of threat to the population, about how they couldn't live without them, but seeing their abilities its hard to believe that. Its seems like a group of four people, with each element could do very well living in their own small community.
I do love the fact that you altered the game of LIFE to fit with the story, that made me laugh and it was really clever. I love the hook at the end, I was reading along mostly to find out what her element was, hopefully not water.
The characters seem genuine in the way they interact with one another and its clear that Analese has a caring and loving family.
I enjoyed the chapter overall however and I would recommend expanding on the restrictive or evil quality of the government if it does have one. Perhaps show how individuals are restricted outside of their own houses, or with the people they interact with. You could even expand on the limitations of one's abilities, as it seems that Analese's mother alone could survive with her ability without much help necessarily.
| ArchibaldClue 6/10/12 . chapter 1
For a first chapter, it seemed to cover the very complex idea of facing adulthood very well. The fact that Analese had to wait until the door opened, which also signaled her official transition into adulthood was clever. Many of us seem to become adults without giving it much thought, time simply passes by and it happens, while we are working, going out, etc...
However Analese truly had to think about the fact that she was no longer a child, and that moment she had waited for so long was mere moments away, at the sound of a click, a frightening and exciting thought. I also found it sweet that she kept tugging at her fleeting childhood. I hope this idea of transitioning into adulthood is revisited, perhaps once she has had some time to adjust to her powers. Really nice work.
I'm a new member and I just posted up my first story so I am a bit excited. Hope you can take a look, you have an eye for expressing emotion.
| Alice Rosezella 5/27/12 . chapter 1
So I see you've started it again! I like the detail! I hope you can upload the other chapters soon! :)