|Reviews for Goodbye, Blue Sky|
| Anihyr Moonstar 12/3/12 . chapter 2
Very cryptic. I especially like this snippet: [There are fifty sides to a coin.] It's instantly memorable and makes me wonder what its significance is - clearly important (or I hope so). You also have me wonder all the more about his world they're in. It feels very dystopian/end of the world-ish with maybe a hint of supernatural.
I have a feeling the narrator will bump into those kids ("foxes") again, and I have to wonder what the circumstances will be.
Here's some technical stuff I noticed along the way:
["I told you we shouldn't have gone out this far." Aaron whines.] Incorrect dialogue tag. Should be: ["I told you we shouldn't have gone out this far," Aaron whines.] Comma after far because "Aaron whines" tells us who said the dialogue and how they said it, which makes it linked. Same goes for this later:
["What should we do with him, Shiro?" One of them finally says.] Lower case 'o' in "one" because it's a dialogue tag, and thus not a new sentence.
["We are nobody." Another replies in a toneless voice.] Should be: ["We are nobody," another replies in a toneless voice.]
[Then one of them calls. "Shiro."] Should be: [Then one of them calls, "Shiro."
You seem to get this right some of the time and mess it up at other points. XD Don't worry, though; it's just a matter of fixing the technical errors. :)
| Anihyr Moonstar 12/3/12 . chapter 1
[...while the stars smile indifferently overhead.] I really like this phrase. Stars have been described many times in *many* different ways and have a plethora of cliches attached to them, but I don't think I've ever seen them described quite like this, and I think it's apt. It also does a nice job of setting the mood.
I'm torn on the style of the prose. On the one hand, I enjoy your descriptions, the minimalist nature of the scene setting, and the way you manage to drive home a lot of impact with such a brief snippet of reading. On the other, at some points the prose feels a little *too* brief and cut, to the point where it feels choppy. I think the opening three sentences are the best example of that. While I like the message you get across, I feel like splitting it up three times is a bit of overkill.
You do leave me curious about this though, between wondering what exactly is going on, what "the Wall" and "reapers" are, etc., which is good. It encourages the audience to read on.
- Moonstar, from RH
| J.Kuzzey 12/2/12 . chapter 52
Man, I liked that we got a chance to see how everyone reacted. I'd be pretty mad, too. They probably feel... abandoned, for lack of a better term. But Ras reeled that group right back in. He's totally right; they may not realize it, but they're fighting a war. It was nice to hear from Kai, Luco, Jack... all of them again.
Also, not sure if it was intentional, but I liked the way you made the speech flow. With the periods in places that split up sentences in weird ways. Was that on purpose? It worked out well, regardless. I could hear it my head. Sounded kind of like an old radio broadcast, circa late 1930s, early 1940s...
| J.Kuzzey 12/2/12 . chapter 51
I just love May and Lion... and Sunshine the cat, of course! I have to say, I love how you've gotten me to care enough about these "side characters" and their stories. Although, in some ways, I feel like I've decided this isn't so much Alex and Andrei's story, as much as it is just a story about their entire world. Everything.
Hm, while either way, I suppose this is one small story that's been wrapped up. Yet, like always, there's still more to be seen. I kind of like the way you don't BAM! end it on a cliff hanger. You've gotten me hooked enough that I continue to read regardless. It's actually kind of refreshing, since "cliff hangers" is a gimmick too many people (myself included at times) rely on to keep people reading.
| seredemia 12/1/12 . chapter 4
Really really liked the interactions between Aaron and Andrei here. I am guessing that they're friends, but Aaron is reluctant to stay with Andrei because of his rebellious attitude towards the Reapers? It's to be expected; because if Andrei gets in trouble, you can expect that Aaron will be dragged into his mess as well...
Speaking of trouble, I wonder what Andrei keeps in his room? I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOMB but idk... I doubt it because most of my guesses are usually bad... Plus I don't even know what average bombs look like... But I doubt that whatever Andrei is keeping in his room is something good... Because it doesn't look like Alex was very happy to see it.
I like how these group of people wear fox masks. I'm guessing they're part of some rebellion against the Reapers? I think? But anyway, it's clever how you've linked them to foxes, because foxes as cunning, sly, and sneaky. And this group definitely fits all those descriptions. So I'm interested to see how this fox group fares in this story cos I can tell that they're going to be a big part of it.
Lastly, I loved it when Andrei was talking to that cat! I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I FOUND IT QUITE AMUSING. Buuuuut then the mood immediately sobered up and it turned serious again. Overall, lovely chapter as usual; I will read more later today! :)
| seredemia 12/1/12 . chapter 3
Wait wait, I have a question: is Andrei the character from the last chapter? Because the character was called Shiro in the last chapter, so I'm guessing that might be his last name... or?
But anyway, I like how this chapter provides more depth. My favourite thing that you do is that you don't actually tend to explain things; you show us instead. I'm guessing (and forgive me if my guess is utterly rubbish) that Andrei doesn't like his brother because his brother works for the opposing side? It seems like it cos he was studying his uniform rather than actually looking at his brother in the face, whICH I HAVE TO SAY WAS MY FAVOURITE SENTENCE. I love little sentences that evoke more about the character, and Andrei has a lot of that in his narration.
Speaking of Andrei, I am sensing cynical vibes from him. Which is always fun because it's nice to see cynical characters being developed. But I also see that he's pretty rebellious, especially when Alex was warning him in this chapter. So far I like Andrei (although I have to admit I am always biased towards male protagonists who have the same personality as him teehee) and I'm excited to see how he will develop in this story :D
| seredemia 12/1/12 . chapter 2
I really really really like how simplistic your narration is, but you still have descriptions that just get to the point. It makes the pace quick and exciting in the a way. Plus, it also gives your narrator a hard edge, which I like. You did a good job in fleshing out your narrator because so far, Shiro seems like a good character. I loved the ending of this chapter because it makes Shiro not only sounds like a badass, but you can tell that he's obviously quite a strong character. I'm looking forward to see how he develops on this story :)
| seredemia 12/1/12 . chapter 1
This is a really clever way to start a story. I like the small details you've done, like the italics. Usually, people complain about parts of stories being in italics, but I think this is a good detail that you've done. It makes the sentences that aren't italicized look for foreboding and serious. In fact, to me, it created an eerie atmosphere. I really like the simple, short descriptions too. It was straight to the point and yet it sounded poetic as well. Definitely a good start so far, so yAY GOOD JOB ON THE FIRST CHAPTER! :D
| Vernelley 11/30/12 . chapter 2
I liked the first chapter. Very eerie and atmospheric, which successfully raised the suspense. Not much happened since it was more sort of narration, but it was effective as a lead-in.
We don't really know the identity of the narrator yet, but so far he's characterised quite distinctly, especially in how he responds to Aaron and the masked characters. He seems pretty tough. It'll be interesting to learn more about him.
I also find this Shiro figure quite intriguing. He seems to be the chief of this group of enigmatic masked people. I'm really curious about them and what they do, and what the narrator will find out by evening.
I'm not really sure what to make of the story's setting yet. Seems so far like some kind of civil unrest, but I might be reading it differently, heh.
But still, very good start so far, and I'm interested to continue. :)
| J.Kuzzey 11/25/12 . chapter 50
CHAPTER 50! Oh, yup. Does Z. have something for Andrei? Sure seems like it; perhaps even going both ways? Although, nothing too deep at this point. Just mutual attraction of some sort. I think Andrei needs someone he can rely on. Ever since the beginning, he's been kind of a loner.
I must say I did indeed enjoy the dream there with Alex and Andrei. It's great that you have me so interested in both of them; it wouldn't be as engaging if you hadn't bothered to flesh out Alex and Andrei. Once again, we're given a deeper insight into the mind of Alex, and on his relationship with Andrei. In some ways, we've learned a lot about how Alex views his bro in just that one scene. Excellent, sir!
And now, May and Lion have reached them!
| J.Kuzzey 11/25/12 . chapter 49
"Is that supposed to be a symbol?" Is that a reference to the watch? Because I've been wondering that, too haha! Has that been explained elsewhere? I don't feel like it has; and if so, perhaps briefly?
I kind of want to slap Andrei for a little bit there and tell him to calm the hell down lol. Then as I was reading, I was thinking about how much he's changed. He's not the same kid he was in the beginning, and while I was aware of this changing as it was occurring, I don't think it hit me until now. Poor guy. Is it wrong that I thought it was cute that he asked if she could wake him up if he had a nightmare? Haha I must be twisted
| J.Kuzzey 11/17/12 . chapter 48
I really like that we kind of get an insider view of everyone's mindset as far as Alex is concerned. It's interesting to see how they know who he is, where he came from, etc, but they aren't really judging him. At least, they don't appear to be on the outside. They just accepted him as one of them. It also helps create this rather deep internal conflict for Alex; does he feel like he sold out, or does he feel like he's just doing his natural duty? There's a lot of questions I'd like to ask him and get an honest answer.
Now that I think about it, I wish I was in this crazy world, so I could dig around for a library, see if I can't find some history books. Altered by the governing and those not altered... so I could experience the history for myself. I almost want to write one for you lol. You've got me interested in the world as well as the characters, and that's not very easy to do.
By the way I just love May and Lion. They make a good pair.
| J.Kuzzey 11/7/12 . chapter 47
"But it's still here... And it won't go away... Some things are like that – aren't they?" Deep stuff. There are somethings we wish we could sleep off, or would merely wash out, fade away, but in the morning they're still there. Like hair dye.
"I'm not a kid." he snaps unexpectedly.
"Then grow the fuck up."
That exchange made laugh a little for some reason. It's such an honest and real way to respond to someone snapping at you.
"What's a church?" I felt like that was a real quick way to given us an even better picture of this world that they're living in. So drastically different from what we are used to, because society as a whole is completely changing. At least, that's the way it feels to me. I also feel like the plot is moving forward nicely. I'm interested in seeing where it goes from here. Pretty diggin' Ras at this point, never was really sure if I could like him as much as I do.
| J.Kuzzey 11/7/12 . chapter 46
These lines: "Ghost town, that doesn't even begin to cover it. These buildings, they're like skeletons burned to the bone. The little dust storms of ashes, the coughing; maybe I'll be swept away too...In the silence, a weird little tune the street sweeper hums; sometimes it has words and sometimes it doesn't." Are pretty dang awesome. I felt like it was just enough detail written in just the right poetic way that it painted the entire scene for me.
I found it kind of funny that they were stuck going around in circles. I think about how frustrating that must be, but for some reason it made me grin a little when reading. That being said, I totally dig the way you brought out some character background info in this chapter. It was a cool way to do it, and I feel like I know so much more about Alex and Kass. I kind of like them both a little bit more now.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern... I could be reading into this too much, but I feel like they are more than just average reporters. But I guess I'll found out eventually :)
| J.Kuzzey 10/27/12 . chapter 45
I just realized that I somehow reviewed 43 and 44 on my review for 43... what the heck. I started reading 44 and realized I already read it. Weird. I really shouldn't do this stuff from my phone lol.
On to this chapter! (finally!) I laughed really hard at this: "What the fuck would I do with a book?" That's exactly what I was thinking when it was mentioned "Not even a book." It's interesting to see how Aaron is kind of getting Andrei out of his shell a bit. I like it. Despite everything, a friend is a friend. Yet that makes me nervous... I'm kind of a pessimist when I'm reading, so now I'm going to assume Aaron will kick the bucket soon.
He picked blue to dye his hair? haha, that's awesome! But, now that he has to be more careful, I'm going to assume they're closer than ever to getting their hands dirty. Enemy must be close by.