Love the fact that everyone has their own voice. I noticed it in Ras and then realized it was really that way for everyone. Every character speaks a way that its easy to imagine in my mind. After all, real people don't all structure sentences the same way or say words in the same sequence or tone. I feel like I'm searching for my part in a script, trying to find the voice that fits me the best. Pretty cool.

Speaking of Ras, loved the conversation between him and Shuri. "Man, fuck those guys. Nothing. Silence..." was a great little blurb that illustrated how frustrating this probably is for them. Then, the part about how their disorganization is their strongest point; that's probably true. Most structured forces can't figure out how to take on wild groups.

Aaron! Holy crap! When was he last seen? Chapter one or two? Mm curious a bit more as to why he joined. Wonder if this will make Andrei a bit more sociable.

When I first started reading this story in August, I wasn't quite sure how I would feel about your writing style going forward. It was intriguing and very different, but would that last for me in the long run? As I was reading this chapter, I realized I stopped noticing that you had a unique style, because I expected it; if you had suddenly started writing differently, I would be very annoyed. In other words, I really appericate your style.

The specific point where I realized this was right here:

'He picks up the flashlight again. "Looks like that chapter of our story's done with."

Wordless agreement.'

This may sound odd, but it's like you wasted no time with other details that are - in the end - completely irrelevant. So it creates a voice that I hear in my head when I'm reading something other than dialogue. Like a narrator, almost. It sets this pace that makes reading it a lot like reading a poem. I get a rhythm while I'm reading. It's pretty awesome.

One more thing on this rather long review! I thought the conversation between Ciel and Gabe about the air raids was interesting. It showed just how naive and innocent people can be when they are young. Then later when they conversed and she told him not to go away... uh nothing bad is going to happen, right? Please? Happy endings? haha!

This is interesting and done quite well.

Hmm I wonder who this "K" is. I doubt he's just a regular street sweeper. The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw K was King. I had such a surreal image of my mind reading this entire chapter, with the primary colors grey, black and orange; wind pushing ash into the air, making the skyline thick and dark... I'm telling you, this would make such a great comic! I'm curious as to what kind of crazy weapons are around, considering its not easy to burn stone to ash.

I really liked this chapter. I love this group of guys; they're so chill around each other despite their jobs. It feels like a group of dysfunctional friends (though they may not realize they are friends!). I enjoyed the small bit of backstory on this world. I feel like I'm learning more and more about it as the story goes on, but not too much is ever revealed so I also feel the need to continue on.

Whew this chapter was a mind trip. Hmm I feel like things are about to go down. Textbooks? Interesting choice, I didn't quite picture that being something he would enjoy. But when I think about the kind of lives they're living... Imagine how boring that would get after awhile? It's probably a good source of entertainment.

I liked this: "Why don't you go over then?" That's such a good... motto?... almost anyway, for the real world. You know, if there's a wall in the way, it's just a wall. You can go over it if you try. Is it better on the other side? You won't be sure until you see for yourself. Am I reading too much into this, because I feel like I do that a lot, haha! Also this: "Or maybe this is the dream? And I wake up in the other place?" I had to stop and think about it for awhile... your writing has a tendency to do that to me!

Pierrot's story was very interesting. For a moment, I'm going to take it at face value and just say that I loved the interaction between him and the kids. On the surface, it's entertaining. However, I think by now I should know better than to take anything at face value! So I'm curious then as to what represents what (both in the story and in real life, too). I'm going to dwell on this a tad in the my spare time and see what kind of theories I could possibly come up with.

Also very much the same about the brief story of the clock. I'm sure I've said it before, but I love how these little stories and tales are woven throughout this as a way to help paint pictures or present metaphors; sometimes they even inch the plot along or help dig up some character development. I think it works great with your type of prose, too. I feel like it's one of the defining features of this story.

That being said, it seems like Andrei is in a bit of a half-state in this chapter. Like he's kind of drifting through the day. But it's mentioned: "He's having on of his quiet days." So he obviously does this somewhat often. Then again, who wouldn't after what he'd been through. But I know there's still a little bit of ol' Andrei under the surface.

Another review from the phone :)
Man, I really loved this chapter. This added so much depth to Lion. It's great that you allow us time to learn about all these characters, because they are all so fascinating!

"He shot himself. In the head."

"Oh. So – he's dead?"

"Yeah, that's usually fatal."

I laughed SO HARD reading that, but felt myself wince at the same time. Everyone has made an awkward slip up like that at least once in their life. That's what I really enjoy about the humorous moments in this story. They seem real to me.

I find it interesting that Lion didn't seem to give an answer as to why he didn't kill the man. He doesn't believe in Hell, so maybe he's not a religious kind of guy. Perhaps he just believes in the value of life. I feel like this chapter answered quite a bit about Lion but also gave us more questions, too. I like that; we never really know someone 100%.

Another review from my phone so sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes!
"Sometimes we need these little talks." So true. I felt like I hadn't heard the real Andrei in awhile (though this is likely because I've been away from FP for awhile!), so it was refreshing to hear his thoughts and see him speak again. He's so patient with the kids, it's almost adorable. The scene in the beginning, especially. Though it's also... sad. I feel bad for these kids and what they have to live through in this world. It seems as though they don't mind too much, but their curiosity is still there. That's actually pretty deep in its own way!

Ah, Ciel, unlucky to be caught but lucky to not end up beat. But again I notice a watch being used in the story. I feel like I can't forget a single thing I read, since even a single sentence or slightest metaphor may pop up again. That's awesome. Although I could once again be reading too much into it.

Overall, an interesting chapter.

I'm reviewing on my phone so sorry for any grammar mistakes!
Whoa, Kai is back! Though it's tough to be certain what side he's truly on... Your prose does an excellent job making the reader truly feel the way Luco does in terms of what it means to be betrayed. Especially in the beginning of this chapter, I was really feeling almost angry. More now than ever, if only because I felt as though I had dwelled on this betrayal just like I'm sure Luco had.
Also, I thought it was awesome using the Ziggurat as a... metaphor? Imagery? Whatever the proper literary term is. Then, there he realizes its really just a building, nothing more. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
I laughed way harder than I probably should have at this exchange:
"You're here to redeem yourself."
"Like a coupon?"

I've read six chapters in and so far, the way you tell the story is very enticing. It keeps me going. For the first few chapters the stop and go, with minimal detail really works well. It gives it a bit of mystery that just keeps the reader thinking and wondering what this is, what that is, what's going on ect. I like the way you tell the story, and I feel, for the main character, the descriptive way you tell it works really well. It's almost like journal entries, leaving you wondering about things that would be obvious to him and not to you, the reader.

But I feel like there's something lacking in places. Almost like if you put just a little more here or there, it would really hit home. Also I feel the main character is being propelled all over the place without reacting much to it. I mean he can't go home, gets shoved in with a bunch of kids, and right into a mission. I feel he should react a little more. But that's just my opinion.

All in all I'm pretty hooked and I'll keep reading, which is a hard thing to accomplish with me. I tend to be a bit picky. heh

The resistance, at least this cell, has gotten scattered and we're getting some new perspectives. It sad what's happening to this particular bunch of Children, hope they get back together, and the captured escape (it seems like Sunshine is going to make an attempt). It also seems like May and Lion are falling for each other, and seeing their friends are possibly dead are imprisoned, have run off to find their own way together; but this 'wall' that keeps getting mentioned is a barrier to any true escape from the war. As for the Reapers, I like their perspective, and how they don't call themselves that. I never expected that to be a slur. And again, from the attitude these occupiers are giving off, their moral seems to be slipping.

I didn't think days had gone by over the course of the last few chapters, especially enough time where it seemed Sunshine was loosing touch with reality, or at least pretending, which was sense I was given at the end of the chapter. I'm also getting the feeling his brother is up to something more than just trying to find him. Just a hunch.

It's been a while since I've read this story, so I was afraid I would forget everything. Turns out, I was able to pick up this chapter and move right along! I think that's a testament to the fact you have a very interesting story here. If it had been boring or cliche, I would have forgotten. So good job!

I liked the conversation about saying the word "sorry." It really doesn't change a whole lot, does it? What's done is done. At the same time, sometimes saying "sorry" can heal your heart and theirs. It's hard to tell, sometimes.

Also, Venn laughing at suddenly realizing May was a girl had me snickering, too. Really, that entire scene was amusing. But, on to serious business now that Alex has met May! I'm glad she didn't just push him off the roof. I had a great mental picture of him struggling to keep up with her, especially as he tried to scurry up the building.

This is really quite creative. Thank you for sharing this.

What brats lol Like their bravery though. Everyone seems so rebellious! There was some minor grammar errors, nothing too bad. Again, there was that lack of balance, I'm sure you know where. " p But I guess that's just your style. Maybe try doing a little of it in the beginning just to give readers some type of setting to bite onto and while they read, they can unravel the rest through their creativity. Not having a hook to hang onto keeps me in the air. Maybe it's just how I read.

Also, background for character are also important. I have to do that myself.

Nice characters. You keep tossing those chapters over here and I'll keep Frisbee catchin em!

A development I did not see coming. I wonder how Sunshine's going to get out of this one (and was that gailor an infiltrator? hmmm). I like the paranoia if they should flee or not. I got the impression the Reapers pretty much wrote them off, but if I was in that situation, I would probably overestimate my opponent's scrutiny as well. As for the Reapers themselves, they seem rather incompetent, though not in an unrealistic way, but mirroring their opponents in being quite divided in their own ranks. Also I get a sense very few have their hearts in it, just moving along to save themselves and their buddies rather than believing in the overall war effort.