I followed you from and my only disappointment in this story is only that I can't read more. I hope you are successful in your writing career; I know I'd buy a story that began like this one, from sheer curiosity.

Great read! Your writing always manages to paint such intricate, detailed worlds and that's fascinating to me. I'm curious, do you write this detailed all the way through or is it a process adding in detail? Has this world been something you've been working on for a long time?

I caught an added 'the' and a typo somewhere in there I can point out if you'd like.

I dig the way you have started this one out ;) I'm going to keep bugging you to make sure that you finish this one ;)

It's a very good first chapter; the writing is quite good. I feel sympathy for the girl and antipathy for her antagonst, and I want to see what happens next. Pray continue.