Very intriguing concept! One thing to be careful of is mixing tenses. Sometimes the story is being told in past tense, and sometimes in present tense. It's usually best to pick one and stick with it.

Sad and scary. Your summary hooked me. The only thing I would work on would be your passive voice and sentence structure, but other than that looks good!

I was listening to Turning Tables during this story and I actually cried. I keep wondering if I should or shouldn't read this story because it's amazing and so sad at the same time...