i love this. SO MUCH.
i just read a lot of your other stuff and let me just say:
You have major talent.
This is freakin awesome. ;D
Keep up the freakin awesome work.

p.s. fuck everyone :D that's what i say. i just keep a smile on my face, because i don't care what they say.
you seem like a really cool person.

You have some powerful imagery in here. That is a good thing as a poetry writer and a writer in general. If we can imagine what's going on in the poem or story, even if the images may be disturbing, that is a sign of a good writer if you can properly use imagery.

The main thing that I noticed was that you didn't capitalize "I" in your stanzas such as "i'd go this way" and "I also knew i'd never stay." Minor little errors, but capitalizing the I is one of the basic things we learn as writers. (That was totally not trying to sound mean, I promise.)

I like how the last two stanzas rhyme, and the imagery you used, again, is quite powerful. You can image the person's vision going from red to black, as their life ends. One of the questions I'd like to ask is what happened in the person's life to make them reach this point? Was it death? Bullying?

Great job, overall.

Jesus, Ellie. It gets worse every time

Powerful And Brilliantly Written x