This book is amazing. Definatley gonna keep reading

A lot happened in this chapter. A little too much, if you ask me (I suppose you actually didn't, but you know what I mean). It all went really fast. I'm hardly a fan of verbose descriptions, but I think you could've slowed down the pace a little with more details. It just felt a little rushed is all.

Very cool so far.

When you mentioned that this chapter was mainly intended to introduce characters, I was expecting a rushed kind of affair, but you managed to avoid that. I'm still impressed by the remarkable consistency of your characters. Gabriel is starting to feel like a real person.

A twist that uses a new character as a segue into a wider world that is full of potential interesting-ness! Yay!

That said, here's what I didn't like:

-The author's note. If you have to tell us something as simple as that, you're doing something wrong. But I really don't think you had to tell us. I think the context was strongly developed enough that it didn't make a difference.

Here's what I liked:

-The reintroduction of the first person narrative voice. I kind of assume it's a female. I don't know why. I'm looking forward to seeing how you integrate the two storytellers, or how you intend to deal with them.

What I didn't like:

Some of the phrasing is a little awkward. I.E. "Most people had left the area, searching for other shelter". Maybe that was just an accidental mistake, though.

The sections could be split better. Maybe there could have been a split between the section about the red robin and the rest of the chapter. Some of the first paragraph has this problem as well, but that could be chalked up to style choices.

What I liked:

The universe; It's coming along well. The descriptions are concise and give me a well formed image. Like the blue stripe/haircut combination (kind of reminds me of "The Hunger Games", what with all the colours). I really want to know more about this universe!

The vernacular; I love how the language is forming. For example how you used "likes" in "Well, likes, I know it was here earlier" to establish the inner city dialect.

You did go on quite the spree! Four chapters in a weekend is quite impressive.

Excellent, right off the bat. One of very, very few entries I am actually interested in reading more of.

I am curious about how the dual perspective will work out. I've seen different perspectives in first/first person and third/third person, but I don't think I've ever heard first/third, so I'm intrigued. That said, your characters are developing well and I'm interested in their stories. So keep that up!

This does remind me a bit (vaguely) of "The Thief Lord" in terms of its "feel", but I'm probably just making connections that aren't there.

Keep up the good work! I enjoy a well written third person perspective story.

Great job! Keep up the great work. CHEERS XX