|Reviews for Lines in the Sand|
| freddyburn 6/13/12 . chapter 4
All I can tell you is: keep going.
Unlike your other stories, you are building things up. Instead of BAM, here we are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse with no explanation why, you are building on things steadly, giving enough scraps of information to keep my interest.
That said, one suggestion- perhaps some information as too how the currant state of affairs cam into being. Nothing too short- maybe mention a war, or some enviromental catastrophy.
| freddyburn 6/13/12 . chapter 3
A few little things:
One: "I followed Josh back down the roads I had come to the front gates." Reads akwardly- pehaps "I followed Josh back down the roads I had travelled down on my way from the gates."
Two: "There were hundreds upon hundreds of the same building." Perhaps "identical buildings" instead of "the same building?"
Three: Wahooo- you have a Mark. My name is Mark
| freddyburn 6/13/12 . chapter 2
Again, nice chapter. Just one or two things:
One:"Wooded logs were built up high, forming towering walls that encircled the entire city." I believe you are looking for wooden logs. Never heard of a log described as wooded before.
Two: The three guys in the market. They are dressed the same, and you described it once. For me (and this is just me) there is no need to specify cowboy boots when your main character has fallen to the ground and is tracing her eyes upwards- just say boots. Feels as if you are repeating yourself just a little.
Otherwise, good jon.
| freddyburn 6/13/12 . chapter 1
I liked this chapter... got a better sense of the main character than I normally do in most stories. Will read the next chapter and review, but it will be choppy- doing stuff here at home so it could take longer to review than just the length of time it takes me to read the chapter.