|Reviews for What Was Lost|
| Lips In Space 7/3/12 . chapter 5
Hi! I'm enjoying this so far.
I just wanted to pause and give you a friendly reminder to check your grammar.
-Just look around and make sure that when someone says something, commas/periods are in the right place. for example, you would write: "blah blah blah blah," he said. Not "blah blah blah blah" he said. Or do this: 'Jerich shakes his head. "But how?"' not 'Jerich shakes his head "But how?"' You need punctuation to break that up.
-Also, don't add apostrophes where you don't need them. "Let's go to the store" would be correct but "He let's me use it" is not correct. Look out for its vs. it's.
-When a character is addressing someone (such as like "No, Jerichis," or "Your eyes to not lie, Jerich" Make sure to use a comma. "Shouldn't you be inside, Adamite?" and "I've got all night to tell you about it, young one." Errors like this are all over the place.
Once you fix those, your writing will look immediately more advanced and the story is already better :)
| Ed Harley 7/2/12 . chapter 2
The part where the slaves were ordered to kneel for the gods was really tense and mysterious and well done. I can’t help but think that the story should’ve started out like that. The prologue was interesting but too detailed and maybe gave away too much of the story. I really like this setting.