To be honest I understood everything from ""What the fuck did I do last night?" " to the end. But besides that, I didn't understand what was going on. Where are they? Who are they? What abandoned buidling? What does the building have to do with anything? If it were me, i'd re evaluate the importance of it all, put the pieces together. How does this all connect? And then ask yourself how you want to develop the story. Do you want to reveal everything as the story progresses? (I think that would be better. ) When you do, see how you can manipulate your words to make them clearer. " these people _ and _ live in _ and these are their personalities. these are their characters. and there's this house in which _ and _ happened, and those things that happened caused _ which leads to _" and fit the drunk thing in there, idk how that got there! I guess just organization is all! And direction. I'd really really really want this story to start with "What the fuck did I do last night?" and the descriptions later, I think it would have more pizzaz! It'll draw me in even more. Hope this helped, you're awesome! :)