|Reviews for The Art of Lying|
| Lets Get Moderate 6/10/12 . chapter 4
Sophi sure is vengeful, I think this is really cool. You added this other layer to her personality, it's a whole lot different than the Sophi we first saw. It rewards us for reading further.
Christine has gotten pretty interesting over the course of these chapters. I think what I like best about her is that she has cracked the puzzle of Sophi. She seems to understand Sophi's reason for things and that makes her more down to earth for the reader.
I think that for this story a bit more detail of the things that are surrounding Sophi could improve the story. The way things are now I have a hard time picturing where they are. If you have trouble with things getting someone to help you edit is always a good choice.
I like the way your story is turning out so far, like I said before the Review Game and the Review Marathon are things that you can check out. The links are in my profile for you to see and good luck with the rest of this story.
| Lets Get Moderate 6/10/12 . chapter 3
I thought the time skip was sort of sudden. It seems like the entire rest of school, Angela, and Christine were sort of discarded away, and the story focused on Tracy. Not even the boy who read the same books as Sophime is mentioned.
I also think that Sophime is a little bit too intent on outrunning Tracy. It doesn't seem realistic that she decided to start exercising just so that she can beat him in an endurance race. Either she must have insane amounts of willpower or she might seem a little bit obsessive.
I liked the ending though I thought it tied back to the title and the rest of the story pretty well.
One last thing though, why in the world would Sophime's mother be upset about her eating ice cream just once? If Sophime was only "a little" chubby fifteen pounds seems like more than enough weight loss, and with her new endurance what more does her mother want?
| Lets Get Moderate 6/10/12 . chapter 2
I like this chapter because it shows us just how self-conscious Sophime is of herself, and lets us know that it is a big part of her life. I think because of the way you show her acting around her friends it's almost as if we get to see a moment of weakness for Sophime.
I thought the guys reaction to her perfect score was a little bit unrealistic. I think because it would only be a seven point difference, I have never known anyone who has been THAT upset over such a small amount of points.
"She only reply, again in the same manner, that it's only genetics that affects how she talks and genetics isn't something she can change."
I think it should be replies instead of reply.
"I hear around me some people proudly say that make make an A while some complaining that they only get a C."
I think adding in the word they between that and make and then removing another make would improve the readability of this sentence.
I think a lot of the spelling and word confusion errors in this story can be solved just by a quick read through. Maybe getting a beta for your story would work also.
I forgot to add in the last review that I'm doing these reviews for the Review Marathon which is hosted by the Review Game forum. A competition to see who can review the most stories in the window of one weekend. If you want to check out either you can do so in my profile.
| Lets Get Moderate 6/10/12 . chapter 1
I really liked the opening to this chapter. I thought the description was very detailed and was excellent for forming a picture of Sophime.
I also think that the opening scene shows us that Sophime is actually very self-conscious about herself, because of the way she is so critical of herself.
"I do not wish for others to understand how I feel because having someone understanding me is like ridding me off the only pretense that makes me appear as who I want to be in front of people"
This sentence is pretty confusing to read through, editing a bit might help it out.
"...though she is my friend the words she say aren't exactly nice."
I think it should be says instead of say.
"I'll just wait until the doorbell rings and go to fourth period."
I think you mean the schoolbell instead of the doorbell?
I like the way you deferentiate your character from the numerous other cynical,snarky, and plain girls that seem to float around Fictionpress. I think giving her that defining feature of her smiling makes her a lot more memorable than just giving her some accessory like glasses or something.
| Lidea Stranger 6/7/12 . chapter 3
love it! it's very different to a lot of the stories on here- well done! can't wait to read more