Wow this is superb. Do not listen to those vile flamers u are good though the last line should still be immortal unless it has a hidden meaning to it.

Kitty

Lovely poem. I liked the repetition of 'I hope'. Only mistakes I noticed: you spelled 'fulfill' wrong in the 6th line, and I think 'immortal eternity' in the last line would make more sense-'mortal' means able to die, so it's a bit of an oxymoron with 'eternity'. Hope that helps :) Nice job.

-JB

You use the word world too much, you know. And the last sentence made no sense. You can't use an adverb if there is no VERB there. Maybe you shouldn't use words that you don' t know the meaning of.