|Reviews for The Ice Realm|
| jolinne 11/6/12 . chapter 5
The world you’ve created is so incredibly complex and believable (even though it’s fantasy :)). You’ve captured the essence of classic tales and put your own spin on it. Awesome job!
| professional griefer 8/31/12 . chapter 1
I didn't like your narrative style, it felt overly descriptive and a bit like purple prose.
I did however love your ending, it was very intriguing, a great pull into the world, and a great hook for the next chapter. It felt very Game of Thrones.
I didn't like your names for the places, though, they felt overly complicated and hard to pronounce. With the sucessful fantasy series', the names aren't all that complicated. Examples: Mordor, the Shire, Rivendell, Westeros. You just have long multisylable words that aren't easy to say or remember.
I did like the world and the vibe though, it was very traditional fantasy and I quite liked it.
| Scribe of Elhnaka 8/28/12 . chapter 1
Thanks, Solomon Sia and Magic Words for your kind words and valuable suggestions!
To Complex Variable:
Thanks for your review! (Hehe, had to google "conlang") Weeeeell, it's far from a language at the moment, but I have thirty or so "Imperial Elhnakan" words and about a twenty in Brennish "Common Tongue", as well as a couple of other languages.
The mural... Hmmm, I would imagine that it has religious or historical motiffs. But since Laeveros is not overtly fond of living in the shadow of his great ancestors, it may also be more mundane pictures of everyday life (or idealized versions thereof). But I see your point about it being a good chance to "present" the world.
I have consciously tried to cut down on descriptions in favor of dialogue as the mood setter, giving the reader a chance to "fill in the blanks" on environment. And I don't want to exhaust readers with details. But this style is not everyones cup of tea, I know...
Others have also requested more descriptions on the characters and I myself have realized that I can spice the stories with more colors and smells. I'm still looking for the "right" balance, so your input here is valuable!
| Complex Variable 8/27/12 . chapter 1
You have a conlang? Wow!
Okay, first: what's on the mural? That is, what is it a picture of? Though it would be a mistake to try and fit in as much background information as you can think of into a single story—it would be overwhelming—don't hesitate to take advantage of any such opportunities, if, and when, they present themselves in such a convenient manner as this. Describing the content of the murals effective will accomplish the dual-goal of deepening your reader's understanding of the story-world, as well as helping to set the "mood" of the story.
Speaking of which—though your dialogue is great—your descriptions could use a little work.
For example: "When the Envoy entered the throne hall he lost his breath. The entire colossal ice tower he had seen from the outside was a single gigantic cylinder."
Okay, so his breath was taken away—but how? Good descriptions convey physical/sensory qualities as much as they convey emotional qualities. Is the tower "menacing"? Is it "imposing"? Is it "grand"? Is it "pretty"? Is it "haunting"? Etc. Note how each of those words is associated with a particular feeling or mental impression. Good description are like good horses: they're in it for the long haul.
Especially for shorter, and/or more complex and subtle scenes, descriptions are very important in letting the reader know how to interpret or imagine your work.
| Solomon Sia 7/28/12 . chapter 5
I enjoyed reading this short story very much! I especially liked the bittersweet ending, and I recommend anyone to read this story!
| MagicWords 7/12/12 . chapter 1
You write so descriptively! This is quite imaginative, and you really bring your readers in to your world. I loved the dialogue at the end: "You Elhnakans cut the hand off thieves!" the King called out after them. "Tell Emperor Taechios that we do the same!"
Gave me shivers.
The only issue I had was that there were a lot of names that were quite long and a little difficult to pronounce, but I am certain that once the chapters go on that I will get all of them straight.
I really liked this so far, and I hope you keep writing. You are clearly a talented writer.
| Solomon Sia 6/13/12 . chapter 2
He should have cut both his arms, that would have settled the matter perfectly in a manner pleasing to all.
Consider revising: "Write something like that, but with fancier words!" It seems rather irreverent for an emperor to say this. Perhaps leave it out entirely.
From your description of war, and the 'whores, blacksmiths and peasants' who accompany the army, I sense an somber-romantic approach to war. Perhaps the ice king's mood foreshadows this, so I'm looking forward to seeing how you portray the actual combat and aftermath.
| Solomon Sia 6/13/12 . chapter 1
An engaging read:
I am most intrigued by the Crown Prince's personality, because he seems to be careless with money, arrogant and tactless with his generals, and less than respectful of his father, and so, full of flaws. Yet there might be more to him.
I am also interested in the Paglatonian King.
The 'little girl' oracle is strange enough to deserve more mention. Why so young? Is she actually significant? If she isn't, the casual bone throwing will not lend any impact to her words.
Some grammar and style errors, which I will help you point out if you send me a PM.