|Reviews for Snow Globes|
| Serious Pages 7/9/12 . chapter 1
Wow :) that was amazing! Flawless grammar and spelling...great!
| Dr. Self Destruct 6/25/12 . chapter 1
I like this more darker spin on snow globes. It's true how people tend to make memorabilia like these try to show how great they think life is, when in really it might not be. I hate to talk like a pessimist, but the world really does suck for certain people. I could hear that tone of anger inside the narrator's voice while this was being told, like she was almost yelling at those snow globes and telling them their great, big phoneys. Which might sound kinda funny, but it's true.
You have some really striking imagery in this poem like you always do. Like I've said before, I'm not too good at critiquing poetry, so I normally just read it for the enjoyment. And I really enjoyed this, because I thought it was an interesting and different way to approach the fact that this world kinda sucks, by comparing it to something so mundane and normally overlooked.
This line, "People don't think in snow globes." really stood out to me when I read the third stanza. I think it's because this claim kinda bleeds into real life, how people are generally stupid and don't think things through before they do something or say something. And I like how you weave some not too bad things into the snow globe, like how there's no bullies, no bleeding, no dying to the cold. It makes me almost wonder if I would be better off living in that snow globe instead.
But then I'd be a plastic doll unable to move. Hmm... this invokes some interesting thought. Honestly, no matter how much real life might suck, I think I still prefer to living inside a snow globe, haha.
| Abbytjie 6/18/12 . chapter 1
I love how well you discribed the snow globes - I could see them in my mind. The imagery is beautiful. I love how you contrast the perfect world of a snow globe to the reality of life. Well done.
| Solemn Coyote 6/18/12 . chapter 1
Thank you for your feedback on Sound and Fury. It's always nice to know that someone out there is reading. :)
Here's a review as well.
1) I love the concept on this one, and I think your final stanza has a lot of punch to it.
2) For the rest of the poem (if you want to keep messing with it,) I think the trick to strengthening it might be being more specific. The line that resonated the most with me was the one about overtired adults. The situation in it suggests a greater misery, but it also anchors it to something a little more personal. Compared with arguably more serious problems like car crashes or bullies, it still hit me harder. Now, if instead of 'there are no bullies' you said 'there are no hands to hold lockers closed, and no bruises to hide from teachers' you might get the same force out of your other lines. Or it might clash with the rest of your poem. I'm definitely not an expert on this, and I recommend trying things out over taking my word for it.
3) All things considered, the above comment is really the only critique I can think to make here. I really enjoyed reading Snow Globes, and I hope you keep writing.
| lamourlibre 6/17/12 . chapter 1
I wrote a poem with a similar theme to this one. It seems we have both thought similar thoughts about snow globes. I liked this one.
| lookingwest 6/12/12 . chapter 1
I really liked the theme/argument that this poem made for the concept of a perfect world, and how it can't be achieved because if it was perfect nothing would happen-I mean, that's what I got out of the analogy, but if that's not what you intended I sometimes like to think that's the glory of poetry, it can be interpreted so many different ways, it's quite a free type of writing, freer than prose, I think.
But anyway, like I was saying, I love how you achieved that by juxtaposing the still-lives inside the snow globe with a real life gritty flavor that highlight a lot of bad things that can happen. I think my favorite stanza was the last one and the line, "People don't think in snow globes." because it was quite haunting too. The concept of no one thinking, of no differences, "no countries or religions", it's kind of a scary type of existence.
Let's see, I think my other favorite image you evoke is the 360 and the snow falling, I'm glad you incorporated that into the poem instead of just focusing on the figures inside. You could've even gone into more description with the silent snow falling too, it just gives off a lot of poetical for some poetic imagery. How you have it now does just fine too, of course, but if you ever wanted to revise, I would love more depth there with the snow too!
So far from what I've seen with your poetry too, it's very dense with theme, ideas, and images, and I really appreciate that. I can really dive into the writing here, and I find it a very rich style :)
| Punslinger 6/11/12 . chapter 1
Nice touch of irony here comparing the appeal of a perfect, but lifeless, world with the flaws of real life. It makes me long for the old movies, before "realism" became so grity, when we could drift off into lovely dreams for a litle while.
| dragonflydreamer 6/10/12 . chapter 1
I think what's most interesting about this piece is how you seem to be building up this perfect world, but you slip in these little hints that there's something off. Like when I read "mornings where overtired adults/have to wake up at six/
to go to dead-end jobs," I thought, well, some people just love working, and "People don't join the military in snow globes," there are many people who proudly devote their lives to the military. The ending was still a surprise, but things like this definitely alluded to it.
In general, I like the image you're creating. There are some lines that really relate to physicality, like "lips never turn blue" and "no one breathes or bleeds" that really made me picture living out life in a snow globe. Pretty terrifying thought, really.
-Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| ensconced 6/9/12 . chapter 1
So honest and so beautiful. Keep up the good work!