Definitely an interesting concept! I love how Haine is on a quest and that makes me anxious to see where it leads her. I just wish that there were more details and further character development, but that can't be helped when it's rushed. In the next one I'd love to see more of that. Anyway, I do really like the Scheduler's character thus far. I'm guessing that there is some connection between the woman at the inn and her deceased daughter. I'm interested to see what direction this story will go and I'll be looking for the next chapter! :)

The beginning of this chapter was pretty well written. However, as it continued, it became rushed with no sense of imagery, unlike your other stories. It also seemed like Haine's personality took a 180 turn when she met the Scheduler again.
-Zoe1013

For a short introduction, this was well written. It leaves the readers wanting to know more about the "Scheduler" and how Haine will manage on her adventure.
-Zoe1013

Yeah...it was rushed. It definetely needs more details! Like what did the mother's house look like? Where was Haine when she was talking to the Scheduler. What IS a schedular anyway? (Sorry it's been awhile since i read the first chapter.) And where was she when she was surrounded by all those ppl. Could you fix this chapter cuz i could'nt visualize nothing but the main character. Although i think you got the characters actions and dialogue now pretty good. Anyway, keep writing and improving!

Yea, this the shortest chapter i ever read! It looks like a good story but you need to add more details. It did'nt seem that dramatic. It was like shes's on the roof, she jumps and then the Scheduler is like "Find the amulets!". Lol! Anyway good story but add more details. Plus why was she jumping anway? -DarkAngelReviews