Beautiful. Well done.

I like the ending. I think that was the only way it could go for Tony. But at least he was able to admit his feelings in the end. This was a good story, I liked it :)

I don't know why that was a bit unexpected. But I liked it. I only hope Tom will see the true Tony soon.

So somehow I accidently reviewd ch 1 on ch 2. So this is for ch 2. I really like this chapter. I feel so sorry for Tom. He's all nice, not even knowing he's talking to Jonathan's murderer. I think Tony is going to lose it...?

Oh. Scary. Poor Jonathan. I'm glad this isn't a one-shot because I feel I want to know more about Tony.

...H
wao

Hm. Good ending.

I still think Tom needs a little characterization. He's kinda a blank face in my mind. Some of the violence seems a bit forced, like you didn't know how to lead into it and just manhandled the characters into it instead.

But this is beautiful. I love it.
-Liv

Interesting.

More characterization of Tom would be nice, here, since he snaps so suddenly. I feel like there should be more reason behind his sudden outburst, y'know, it seems a little forced, and the tone's off.

I love your writing style. Good job.
-Liv

Pacing's good here, too. I like Tom, that he's just a regular nice kinda guy and not some asshole or anything. I'd like more development of why he's at the grave in the first place-it seems like he's have some internal conflict on why he was there. The paragraphs are really short, which is good in the short run since it puts emphasis on the sentences, but I think it wears out after a while and gets less effective.
-Liv

Very nice job!

I like the repetition here. A lot of people repeat too much and it gets corny, but I think here you lead into it nicely. I like the amount of internal monologue as well. Very beautiful. You pulled it off well.

I'm not sure about the transition from internal monologue into dialogue and action. It seems a bit off, since you don't establish the setting immediately, so I would've liked more description there (not very much more though, coz that'd throw off the pacing and ruin the internal monologue, y'know?). Maybe describe the place under the bridge after the internal monologue, or somewhat during it? It feels like talking head syndrome, LOL. I pictured him sitting in his room musing to himself or something.

Nice job, excellent characterization. FAVED!
-Liv

This is good, but confusing.

I think this is a satisfying end to the build-up of the first three chapters. The emotions get a release. I thought the fight-conversation was a little contrived... could you have found a more plausible way to tell us this info?

Overall, like I said, I'm a little confused about what it all amounts to. Why do you keep pointing out the irony? Was there some kind of point to the end other than that it confirmed the beginning? I'm bewildered, a little.

This isn't meant to be discouraging. I feel that this is a story of quality that you've put a lot of effort into with good cause.

Wow! thats good.

This...hurt. Like, it was painful, but in the best way. I think. Beautiful. This was beautifully written and I just. I'm kind of unable to put my thoughts into coherent sentences right now because I'm kind of - this was fascinating, Anthony's thoughts were fascinating. It's weird how - because of his whole, you know, attempt to be emotionless all the time I felt kind of detached from him the entire story but then I felt tied into everything at the exact same time, like I could feel everything that he didn't want to feel. I don't even know if that makes sense or if I'm making sense right now but I really really loved this, a lot. It was jarring but beautiful.

Well, beautiful

This was physically painful to read, in a good way. So, so good. Once again, I love the difference between the narration and what is actually happening. I also like that the main character wants to remain so emotionless, and yet I was able to feel every aching thing that he wouldn't allow himself. Beautiful!