(A thousand years later, I'm reviewing again. Yay?)

"Jules nodded. "Just the little finger," he mumbled. "I don't think I'll miss it too much.""

Oh, Jules. I guess I like you already.
His disorientation, and semi-coherent thoughts came across very well; I particularly like the way you have him remember little details, it feels very real. And, of course, I'm intrigued by the little hints you're giving us about the true nature of Jules' accident. (Or I'm overinterpreting again. We shall see).

Looking forward to the next chapter!

"Marie noticed the frozen smile on Jules' face at the mention of his mother. And even though she had never had the chance to meet the early deceased Comtesse, she found that Jules had quite a bit of his father's appearance too. Not that there was anything flattering in that. They shared the same slightly off-centred features, their noses and ears a little too big for what generally considered handsome. Both of them were tall, whereas the Comte Gustave's figure was that of a man who had enjoyed the pleasures available to a man of his state for many years. His son's however was still youthful and slender, almost lanky."

Thank you for not making Jules drop-dead gorgeous. It's a nice change.

"Little Lysette had to step on a chair before she was able to climb into her own bed."

This is such a clever line, especially with the alliteration at the beginning.

I'm also pleased that you put in a little more about the setting now. I'm beginning to get a bit more immersed in this world you've created, and I love your ending. I'm enjoying a little more insight to Marie's character; gentle, kind and in an impossible situation.

Sorry for not reviewing for a while, but I'm off from uni so I guess now is a good time to catch up. Anyway, moving on...

"Marie?" Lysette asked with a curious look at her nanny. "Are you going to marry Jules?"

I like the way you begin this. I haven't yet seen much of Marie outside of her position as a governess, so I'm glad you're giving your supporting characters a little more depth. I'm looking forward to seeing whether or not this will remain an unresolved issue, turn tragic, or become a romantic subplot.

"She had actually wanted to get married to him herself, but he was already her brother and so she was not quite sure whether this would even be possible. But then she liked Marie and if her nanny got married to Jules, then she would stay here even once Lysette had grown too old for having a nanny. Maybe it was not such a bad idea after all – even if she did not find it quite fair that Jules talked to Marie much more then he did to her."

I love how realistically you portray Lysette. It's such a nice change from these overly-precocious oh-so-special little girls you often read about(Renesmee Cullen I'm looking in your direction!).

Looking forward to seeing how this turns out. Anyway, onto the next chapter!

Tath's very beautiful! E ora, visto che ti piace leggere in italiano, il resto lo scrivo nella mia lingua! Bravissima!

I cannot believe I have not discovered this story before! It is really interesting. I'm getting to feeling that Marie is more of the main character then Lysette. Lysette is so cute! She reminds me of Alice Kingsley from Alice's Adventures in Wonderful. It is incredible how she understands things and notices things, even for her young age. How old is she, actually? I don't know if you ever mentioned her age. Anyway, the chapters are a bit short, but I suppose that's what most people read on fictionpress. As for your grammer, it is better then most writers who have English as their first language, much less for their second language. In fact, I was impressed by how good your writing is, if you are still learning English. What is your original language? French? But I look forward to reading more of your story; it's really good and Lysette is such an interesting-and cute-character.

Truly different; sometimes when you read historical fiction it is quite obvious what the loose plotline is going to be but this could go down any path; riveting!

I found all the dialogue was plausible, even though it crossed various aspects of French society; the baron, the governess and a child all spoke with conviction which is refreshing as again with historical novels I find that either the dialogue is too modern or it's too rigid.

The bits that stuck out for me was in Chapter 2 during the description of the bullet from the victims perspective; I thought that was innovative and so please dont get rid of it in a future editing purge! I also liked the fairytale contrast with the bleakness of the story; It's hard to get fairytales into a story without it being corny but I picture these stories being told in a bleak grey forest - a nice and dark image which fits in with your genre!

I've got one comment on the pace and another on the formatting. The pace of the action is good; there's no long backstory or dull dialogue so the reader is drawn in. But I feel if you hadnt mentioned in your synopsis this was 19th century France, we would not know. Whilst I can completely appreciate the need to keep the story going, do you think it may be worth describing the scene a bit? I dont mean huge chunks of description about what the room looks like, what furniture there is, every single garment that Marie is wearing and what the weather is like etc. It's just that in my opinion, readers will pick up a historical novel set in 19th century France to partially get lost in the setting; the colours, the centre of fashion that France was in those days. The same may be true for the gothic part of it, whereby readers tend to be artistic and may want a clearer picture of what the scene looks like. Perhaps in the slower parts of the story like when Jules wakes up or when Lysette goes to the window, there could be a couple of sentences to set a more 19th century scene?Do they have manicured gardens because they are rich? Are there servants pottering about in the room? Is jules wearing a smart soldiers uniform etc?

My formatting comment is related to the story being told from 2 main perspectives; Lysette and Jules, it may be worth having their name in italics before they each tell their next bit of the story; which seems to be a popular trick these days. I felt there was a bit of jumping back and forward and sometimes got confused who was telling the story.

Really nice work; I'm looking forward to new chapters!

Once again, sorry it took so long to get to this update. I've been busy throughout this entire week.

Another nice chapter. It certainly isn't as exciting plot-wise compared to the last chapter, but I found it was a good chapter that took the story in the right direction. Once again, we're focusing on Jules and his annoyance at the way his father forces unwanted obligations on him. This time, the conversation about Charles and Irene reflects the aristocracy's desire to forge favorable connections and alliances. Jules's story - his desire to break freem from expectations and his continual obligations to it - is a large part of this story, just as is Lysette's peculiar visions. So I found it nice that you focused on him once again. I am curious to see more of Lysette and learn about how her visions play into everything (and if it is somehow related to that peculiar mystery of their fathers' wives dying young). But this chapter didn't disappoint in terms of plot.

As for character, so far, we're receiving corroboration about what we've already known in terms of Jules and his father. Jules continually feels annoyed by his father's attempts to use him for their family's benefit. Rather than confront his father, however, Jules stays silent and does what he wants in secret. His father continues to force Jules to do his every bidding. I haven't seen a lot of development, but I think that this story is still in the early stages so I shouldn't expect to see too much from Jules yet. I believe it will take challenges and problems for Jules to break free from his current character and grow; I do like how you remain consistency with his character, however. Every chapter, we see the exact same thoughts and mindset to his narration.

I liked how this chapter made dialogue not get dragging or boring. By adding descriptions and Jules' internal musings, it helped keep the pacing along without making the chapter feel too dialogue heavy. That is certainly helpful so that this chapter - though mostly focused on a conversation and lacking too much plot - doesn't feel unneeded or uninteresting. I like how you continue to hold our interest even with the simplest of conversations.

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Technical comments (though English is not your first language, I'll still comment if need be to help):

[There was just a little stump left{,} with the four remaining fingers reminding him of a chicken claw] Bracketed comma is unneeded. You tend to place commas at moments when you don't need them. As I've been told by other reviewers, excessive comma use can still the pace of the reading and give an unnatrual break. I would suggest reading the sentences with and without a comma and see if you can still understand it without. That can help in picking up unneeded commas.

["Not in the least{.}" he lied] The bracketed period should be a comma. As "lied" is considered a speaker tag (like "said" or "replied"), the proper punctuation would then be a comma.

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Overall, this was quite a good read and I'm excited for the next update!

Signing off...

You seem to have a lot of unnecessary commas.

Well, this was a very nice chapter in plot development. The last few chapters were nice in getting the exposition and showing the different relationships, but this chapter really continued the plot surrounding Lysette and her strange visions. I like how this time Lysette sees her vision in a different way and tells it as a story. It kind of makes the readers feel not as apprehensive until Marie yells for Lysette to stop. Only then is the full gravity of the situation really obvious. But now I'm curious why Lysette keeps receiving visions concerning her brother and how he gets killed or hurt... This is unsettling.

But I am curious: so is Jules dead then? You don't really tell us this, but the implications is that something did happen to him since Marie ends up crying by the end of the chapter...

I like how you described the house. It gave me a good impression of what the house is like. It seems really bleak and not as beautiful as one would expect. I think this is a nice parallel to the events of the story. With all of the strange visions, I would assume that things are going to get bleaker from here... and Lysette is such an innocent girl that one would never imagine that she would start seeing peculiar things. So I think the house you've created fits the atmosphere of this story.

Marie's emotions were nicely captured in this chapter. Her reactions to her impossible romance with Jules is very realistic and understandable for a person of her background. So I also liked how you captured her feelings here.

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technical comments:

[Even nobility did not mean that those people had to be beautiful at the same time. Nose and ears a little too big for what generally considered handsome.]
- The phrasing here didn't really flow well to me, since some of the parts felt a tad forced. To make the first sentence more succinct, writing: [Nobility did not guarantee beauty] or something of the like. As for the second sentence, I would just add "Their" before "nose and ears." But these are just suggestions that you can choose to take or not.

[Both of them were tall, whereas the Comte Gustave's figure was that of a man who had enjoyed the pleasures available to a man of his state for many years, whereas his son's was still youthful and slender, almost lanky.]
- This sentence is a bit long. I would try to break it up into two different sentences. That would make it flow better.

[The house had {many} dozens of rooms] The bracketed "many" is excessive and stints flow; "dozens of rooms" implies that there are many rooms.

[There were many social obligations {the} did not have to and were not even able to {fulfil}] Spelling errors: The bracketed "the" should be "they" - the bracketed "fulfil" should be "fulfill"

But beyond the little "bugs" in the some sections of the writing, I really enjoyed this chapter! The plot is becoming intense and I'm excited to see what will happen next.

Signing off...

[She had actually wanted to get married to him herself, but he was already her brother and so she was not quite sure{,} whether this would even be possible]
- I would get rid of the bracketed comma; you don't really need it and it destroys the natural flow of the sentence.
- I love this line... It's such a classic example of a child's thought process. Children want to get married to the people they love and care about all the time, not really understanding the implications. It's little details like this that nicely give the narrative voice character.

["So he will have to find a countess or a princess?", Lysette asked.]
- Bug fix: Get rid of the comma and you'll be good.

But once again, I still really am enjoying how Lysette's voice is portrayed. Your characterization of her as a child has remained consistent throughout. I think it's adorable how she always mentions fairy tales in her narration and how she thinks marriage between Marie and Jules is so simple... It definitely reflects a child's mind - simple and not at all weighed down by social values or norms.

I also think it's intriguing that you've added romance into this story. I thought it would focus just on Lysette's strange visions and the implications of everything - something a tad horror-esque. But the romance turn is quite nice. It gives more intrigue for readers to care about as the story progresses; this leaves readers with more interest in the plot because they have more questions. So the romance sub-plot is a nice addition.

Another nice chapter. Reading on...

Before we get to the important points in this chapter, let me just say: is it me or is there something going on between Marie and Jules? Okay - not that I got that question out of my system, we can be serious...

So I quite like how you switched back to Lysette and had the problems with the mystery surrounding her introduced through eavesdropping. First, it's a realistic way for her learn of the problems; nobody would say directly to her that there's something wrong with her visions. Furthermore, the fact she is a child will make people feel less enthusiastic about communicating with her (since they view her as an innocent who knows no better). Furthermore, using the eavesdropping seems befitting in a story like yours. Just the tone you set up and the way everything feels very secretive and mysterious - the eavesdropping just works.

I like how you portrayed Lysette. She is just a child so her psychology is befitting for her age. She focuses on her childish whims than any pressing concerns. An older character would be bothered by the discussion, but Lysette is more bothered by the fact that her brother is taking time getting to her. In fact, she seems to forget the startling conversation she heard when she learns he'll come to visit her. Furthermore, she is confused at how visions are bad; she doesn't see the implciations. Thus her narration is a lot more childish and develops her character as a young girl.

[After all Marie was a grown-up like all the others. They often did not see the most obvious things] I love the first paragraph where Lysette is discussing all how grown-ups are different than her. It's completely true that child psychology takes imagination and creativity further, and I love how Lysette groups older people in a different category than her due to these differences. The first paragraph really brought me back into the fact that the narrative voice was of a child's.

Overall another nice chapter. I'm curious to see what will happen when everybody learns about Lysette's visions or what will happen with the visions. I like how you're taking your good time with this development - you're not jumping straight into all the trouble but letting readers get a better feel of the characters and situation.

Reading on...

So sorry it took so long to return this review... Or to get back to this story. I was hoping to get to this again by the end of July but I've just been a tad busy... So once again, sorry.

I was kind of surprised by the shift in narrator, but I was surprised in a good way! It was a good way to expand in Lysette's brother that we keep hearing so much about and also show more about her family. As Lysette is a child, it would be understandable that she wouldn't witness the frustrations between her brother and father in the way that we see in this chapter. So I really liked this switch since it was perfect in developing the exposition.

So I think you gave a good set-up for Jules. It isn't quite a detailed reveal and I'm looking to see more complex characterization for him later on, but you've given a nice foundation. So clearly, Jules is unhappy with the expectations his father has set up in him; he is being pushed down and he is not content with everything. I'm interested in knowing what Jules would be like if his father didn't demand that he would go hunting or follow his wishes, so I can't wait for expansion about Jules.

This was a really nice chapter. My only critique would be sometimes you used sentence fragments that weren't quite needed and interrupted the flow of the story. For instance: [They had lived here, probably died here and somehow he felt it still belonged to them. As the whole house did, the estate and the vineyards.] I felt the second sentence kind of stilled the flow... It would be nicer if you combine them in some way... Maybe something like: "They had lived here, probably died here and somehow he felt it still belonged to them as did the whole house, estate, and vineyards." I just feel the writing would feel less stinted.

But overall, I really like this chapter. Reading on...

Signing off...

I love Lysette. She's adorable. I like the fact that you've made her a proper little girl without trying to make her precocious or overly-clever for her age.

I'd love to see a little more description of the setting and maybe of the different characters, but apart from that you did a good job. :)

Katie.

Now that's what I call an intriguing beginning!
I adore Lysette's narrative voice - to get this kind of "childish tone" seems to be quite difficult, and you've really mastered it rather flawlessly, without making it overly cute. I think it's also quite excellent how you pay attention to details a child would deem important: in this context, the little scene with the dolls stands out.

Well done!

The narrative shift was interesting, as it keeps the story fresh. It's also giving Jules a chance to shine a little bit so that we can understand why he is Lysette's favourite. I got a little of his personality in this, for example his sense of dignity when he feels humiliated by being seen not at his best.

You portray Jules' disorientation quite well, and the use of rhetorical questions certainly works well. The fact that you explore sense of smell too is a good touch to this as it helps to give a distinct feel of what's happening. You portray the father in a cool way, too, and I'm looking forward to seeing how he turns out.

I'd have liked a bit more description of the bedroom to show how gloomy it is. You could maybe mention wilting flowers or silhouettes of dead ancestors? You've got a good setting, I'd love to know a bit more about the place.

Keep going, you're doing so well. :)