Oooh...this seems interesting!

wow I been putting off reading this for awhile but I finally managed to read the first chapter it's a lot better than people give it credit for even though there a few grammar mistakes here and there it's really good and im surprised that such a huge story only had 3 reviews heartless bastards! can't wait to read the next chapter so i'm gonna end this review here

Mrs. Cass, my second grade teacher, would be screaming if she read this.

You have a good enough hook to start a story, but your narration, to be blunt, sucks. Pick a tense, present or past, and stick with it. The completely random switching between the two (and it doesn't seem that you realize you're doing so) makes your story very difficult to follow, at lest in any smooth way.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I'm just saying that this could be pretty good if you clean it up and make it more coherent.

Carla must have a really really powerful family if she can just get something like that for free just by blurting out her fathers name.

seems promising. I'll be sure to check out the other chapters when I have time.