|Reviews for Hybrid Theory: Discordia|
| Abbytjie 6/29/12 . chapter 8
I really love Discordia's character, she's witty and funny. So far this is an amazing story; can't wait to see where it goes!
You should check read through your stories thouroughly before you publish them, there are a few typos.
P. you for the shout out! Made my day!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/28/12 . chapter 8
Very nice(: I hope you update soon!
| Abbytjie 6/25/12 . chapter 3
You should be more stingy with your ands, you use the word a lot. Especially with more than one and in a sentence: that's a big no-no.
"What the hell did you do to her? I can feel my hand!" I don't understand this sentence. Is it a mistake or am I just dumb and missed something?
I like Cassius' character. You describe him well.
P. a new person says something you should start it on a new line.
P.P.S. Be careful of Discordia becoming a Mary Sue.
| Abbytjie 6/25/12 . chapter 2
Prepare for ConCrit.
You have really long sentences. You could seperate some into two sentences, and some only need a comma. Yet there are a lot of sentences that seem really long, which makes it 'sound' like you're rambling (if you know what I mean).
You have a lot of 'I did so and so' and not a lot of 'because'. You seem to take a lot of time describing what Discordia does instead of why she does it. For example: "I hit my head on the hard wood floor and one of the military guys tied my hands together. I started squirming around and tried biting him as he picked me up." Was she scared? Frustrated? Did the fall hurt?
Also (last one) she's totally ok with her wings, which seems unrealistic. She's not at all freaked out or shocked. Plus when she sees the claw marks etc she's calm and not at all fazed by it.
Other than that I like your character and I love your style. The story is good and really interesting. Keep it up!
P.S. how do you pronounce Maiara?
P.P.S. I Googled the meaning of Discordia. Loved it:)
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/25/12 . chapter 7
Very nice(: keep it up!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/25/12 . chapter 6
I think, since you're posting three chapters in a day, that you should just combine them and have one long chapter instead. Either way, you're doing great and I love this story(:
| AchievingNirvana 6/19/12 . chapter 4
A,amazing! Please update soon!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/18/12 . chapter 4
You should write longer chapters so I don't have to wait so long to read more! ;)
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/17/12 . chapter 3
I like this story a lot! You should keep writing this! Update soon(:
| AchievingNirvana 6/15/12 . chapter 2
I LOVE IT! It's so interesting!
| CaedusofEvermoore 6/15/12 . chapter 1
Good hook, interested to read more.
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 6/15/12 . chapter 2
I'm glad you decided to keep writing this(: I like the long chapters too! Keep it up(:
| Archer28 6/14/12 . chapter 2
I noticed a few grammar issues with this chapter, so make sure you aren't rushing through reviewing. Take some time to make sure that is says what you want it to say.
Also, a helpful hint, when you're writing, think of how you would talk, and write a bit more like that. In the chapter you said
"I am but about cellular structure..."
If you were speaking this you would pause after the am, so you would put a comma there.
It is still really good though, I don't want to seem too negative.
| Archer28 6/12/12 . chapter 1
You definitly have something going here, the story shows a lot of promise. I can't wait to see where you take it.
| Andelon 6/12/12 . chapter 1
I don't know if I'm attracted to feisty characters or what, but it sounds interesting. In fact, your character reminds me of mine! Keep going with it.