Absolutely love it! You masterfully capture the thoughts of a sadist. Can't wait for more.

Certainly has that feel of a "sadist" with the way it is narrated. I think the intro sentence is great, it is pretty attention grabbing and works well to do so for a story with a theme like this. The descriptive language used by the narrator adds to it and creates this really dark atmosphere. It's a great read, and there is more to read. Well done.

I enjoyed this chapter. The prose seems more relaxed than the previous two. And the pacing is steady. I am getting used to the "they/them convention" (It feels very anime, so the names help.) It still slips a few times, which is jarring. ("He orders black..." in the first paragraph.) It's that confusion that stops me in my tracks.

Another example: "emotional ambiguity was not my forte, and this strange person with his dark, sad eyes, without even meaning to or realising, had ruined – violated – my protective shell. Something had to happen. Without really meaning to, or rather, in no manner of controlled, coherent behaviour, the words tumbled out of my mouth like poison from a boil" - uses 'his dark, sad eyes." Also "meaning to" is used twice. I think "meaning to" is a difficult phrase to begin with. The preposition struggles at the end of a phrase - you may be better off changing both (to something like "intending" or something similar. I don't beleive "meaning to is grammatically wrong.

"acknowledgement" I always spelled it "acknowledgment" I'm not rue if both are acceptable,

Beginning: I really enjoyed the beginning here and the sarcastic tone I could detect in the words. I thought it was a great hook and it really caught my attention. It also was a nice preview of the content to come throughout the rest of the chapter.

Tone: Hah, I really love your narrator's voice. I can just hear them speaking in this low tone, very conversationally explaining a situation that would make most people squirm. I think the tone is what really draws me in and keeps my interest, even though the narrator is explaining things about BDSM that I already know. It's interesting to hear it from someone else's POV.

Technique: I think you do a great job with your metaphors and imagery so it makes the beginning (where there's more explanation than scene) stay interesting. Also, I thought your sentences flow rather well and it's nice to see you have a firm understanding over how grammar works - that's always a plus. So thanks for the smoothness - before I knew what was happening I was already done.

Writing: I think the only thing that sort of distracted me or kinda bogged the piece down a bit was how the narrator sometimes digressed during the explanations in the last few paragraphs. I felt there was a little too much information given, not because it was making me squeamish, but because it gave a slower pacing to a scene that I thought would have been better read rapidly. Mostly near the end where she's talking about what she does to people. I think cutting out a lot of adjectives and using stronger verbs, then making the longer sentences into a few shorter sentences will help with the shock factor - if that's what you're going for. Right now it sounds a little too poetic/flowery for the voice, situation and content you're describing.

That's just my opinion, though. I know every writer has their own style and they see things differently, so take my advice with a grain of salt. ;) Overall, I really did enjoy this a lot, both for the content and the fact that you have the guts to write about it.

Whoah.

Great hook, you really grabbed my attention with this whole chapter. I particularly love the line 'How unutterably vanilla', it just stuck out to me.

Great description and action, I could see absolutely everything that was happening.

My one complaint was that you say almost nothing about your main character except that they're a sadist, a bit more character description would be lovely.

You talk about the things they've done with such a calm tone...it's a bit terrifying, and if that's what you're going for,myou've done a great job.

I wholeheartedly enjoyed this, great work.

How weirdly sweet. I'm sorry that I can't think of a criticism just yet, except perhaps that I'd like to know the name or at least gender of the main character, but I am too pleasantly surprised by this chapter. I enjoyed it; it caught me off-guard.

This is good. It is interesting to read this from the perspective of someone who is so obviously disgusted with themselves. I'm not sure where you are headed - but I think the royal metaphor will work wonders for you. The queendom could gain a little more color and substance as the protagonist grows and changes.

The prose is a little tough to wade through sometimes. Although it works well with the protagonist's opinion of themselves. I'm not comfortable enough with the word "integument" to be certain if it is used correctly, but it feels wrong.

I agree with the previous review about "they" and "them". If it is intentional, then it should be "they stammered" during the dialogue rather than "he stammered". Otherwise it is confusing.

It's looking good - I'm interested to see where it goes.

Hello from the roadhouse!

Definitely a very new perspective to hear from! Okay, sorry, too many exclamation points.

It is so easy to abuse (no pun intended) the use of metaphor, but yours is exceptional because the comparisons make the description more vivid and imaginable, not just more convoluted. I loved the feeling of "chemical lemonade and champagne" and also the "melted butter, rich and drowsy."

I was confused as to why "Them" and "they" are plural and who exactly they are, but I believe that is on purpose, so no real complaints there, especially since what seems to be important is the situation and how the main character responds to it, not how they got into it.

I think some of your italics are unnecessary or not per se on the correct words where I would assume the emphasis lies. Vanilla is a good one, but 'meant,' 'specifically,' and a couple of others could go. They're more distracting that focusing.

Another thing is that I think it gets overly scientific in the early descriptions. I get the point of what the narrator is saying, and I can relate to it because that's how /I/ think, but I don't believe it sounds like an average person's diary and it could be shorter or simplified a bit.

I'm interested and will read the next chapter as well.

From RH

On with my narrative; [I think a colon would work better than a semi-colon here]

Their eyes are still on my face, and suddenly I can't bear to do it. [Typo, this line needs to be in its own paragraph]

So, okie dokie. I think you have a really great command of language and writing. It's well edited, I like that. There's not a whole lot you're doing to wow me with the style or the actual writing techniques themselves, but I think most of your risk is in your narrative voice and subject. I'm not a personal fan of paragraphs that are as long as the first two, but it's a style thing and the opinion goes author-by-author of course, so if you love them, keep them, I won't tell you any different.

Content-wise. This didn't wow me, and it isn't because it isn't my thing, it's just because nothing really happened. The whole entire first part was just talking about the act itself, which I think was meaningful you know, for people who don't understand the BDSM culture or understand why people would dom, so it's good to establish that, it just went on too long for my tastes. By the first paragraph I got the gist. By the second I was like: okay let's get on with it. Which, I'm glad that eventually we did get on with it, but it left me wanting a bit more from the scene as far as description outside the actual acts. The tastes, the smells, the touch of fabrics, the touch of the leather, the light from the skylight like you mentioned, the stains or unstained walls, the room, the bed, the place, the whips, the chains, etc. etc. I wanted more from your atmosphere in this. You have the voice down. You have the tone, the character, the writing skill, and I think you definitely have the right tools with the paragraph describing the pin. So I want more of that. I do like that you went into care with the description of that object though. And it is good, I suppose, that the dom is so into the act that they don't notice anything else around them, but unless that was the point, I really want more. I also find myself wondering where this could possibly be going, unless maybe an Irene Adler route (plot-wise). But I'm very forgiving with plot as a writer, and that didn't bother me as much as wanting more from the last part. I think you have some good imagery evoked though (loved the bit with the blood in the milk), I don't want to see that lost either.

Pacing was slow. I liked the slowness in the act itself, in the second part, but not in the first inward musing part. I wanted to wrap things up, but I think the actual act should be something taken slowly and deliberately. We get a lot of telling and not showing in the first part, but since this is framed as a diary it will work and that's excused easy, good authors know the right moments to show and tell, and they know how to say things without saying them. I think you have a good start, and you have my interest captured on what plot-conflict direction this could go beyond the various scenes of the dom acts etc. I'd be interested in reading more in the future, I hope we run into each other through an exchange again someday!

I'm glad my insomniac Internet surfing led me onto this...normally I'm not a big fan of S&M fics, but I've never read from the point of view of a sadist. And I actually like it. Normally people get really sadistic (sadistic - sadist. Root words. How ironic) with the sadism, but this was pretty damn awesome. I love how you describe everything and make adrenaline-rushed, dirty pain turn into keen and calm moments.

I definitely hope you get more reviews. This deserves it.

-Chester.