great story so far - a bit too much puppy love but the murder stuff is fun

Alright, I like your writing style. All your sentences are correct and fluid, you don't stumble over your words and you seem to have a firm grasp of your characters. That being said, I have some questions...

How does James have his own appt? In an apparently nice building too (one with a fountain in the lobby/entryway). Overlooking the fact that he is only 16, he must have to be selling madd drugs or something to afford that. Does he live with his parents and I just missed it?

Also, how is it that Auden has his own hotel room? Last I checked you have to be 18 to rent your own room.

Lastly, I'm struggling to believe this lingering connection between Auden and Rohna. I can't even remember who my friends were when I was four, much less their personality traits. I just found it a little rediculous that they think they know so much about eachother when the last time they saw eachother they were still in pull-ups.

Don't let my nitpicking bother you though. I liked the story, and will continue reading. Good luck, and if you would like me to do a more lengthy critique, PM me.

-Infected

Whaaaaat? Who is it? This is so crazy! Auden is so adorable(: update soon!

This is really cute(: Auden is adorable and i love the way he treats Rhona(: i wonder about him though, because it does seem rather.. interesting that he shows up just after the murderer requests to talk to Rhona..(; and does James like her? He kinda acts like it but he also kinda doesn't. Its cute(: anyway, keep writing! This is fantastic!

Still good. I really liked the moment with Rhona and Auden in the last ch. I thought it was sweet of him to want to come with her to confront her parent's killer.

I like how you ended this chapter too. Poor James. I'm sure she won't forget him. Great few chapters. Looking forward to the next. :)

You are a very talented writer my friend

Im surprisd james wasnt jealous

"He holds me closer to me, "
i beleive that second me should be him

Its the murderer

This is a fabulous story so far! I'm excited to hear more about the mysterious murderer guy, and about her..powers? Anyway, please review soon!(:

You are doing a very good job capturing your character's emotions here. That's something I always struggled with (still kind of do). Anyway, I really liked the moments between Rhona and Auden (I also love the name, Auden (: ) in this chapter. Nice job! Looking forward to reading more. :)

And so we see how Rhona's parents were murdered. This chapter was really well written. You captured her feelings of shock and distress quite well.

Wow...that was a truly brilliant piece of writing. You are a very talented author. *applauds*

Hey!
This is really interesting so far. I like the way you developed Rhona's character and her relationship with her friends. I wonder what's up with the guy who murdered her parents wanting to meet with her. What could he want to tell her? And also, the guy in the elevator! I wonder what will happen to her next. I guess I'll have to wait. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this. Great start so far! :)

AR7

I can't wait to see who the man in the elevator is!

Very interesting story. It caught my attention and drew me into reading it. I'll be waiting for the next update ;D