"She'd probably looked up every time the door opened' I love that line, the sentiment, everything. It really touched me.

I like what kieran is doing in this chapter, I think he's doing exactly the right thing in trying but accepting Tyler needs space!

I love the poem. Poor guy, unrequited his whole life...

Post them!

Sukix

Your best chapter yet, imho. Poignant, real emotions, fluid tone and visual language... I was transported straight onto the soccer field. Great work.

Well, even story with happy ending will have some sad parts in it. But I'm glad that finally Tyler realized that he was heart-broken. His first initial reaction was numbness and denial. Anyway, good chapter. You're right it has some poetry in the prose. Nice.

This was great, really good. The first section about the phone call and how they got together was just perfect! all the emotions, the descriptions, everything. I really feel for poor Tyler, that apathy.

I'm looking forward to the rest:)

Suki

Oh, poor, poor, Tyler. It was a really strong scene in the locker room, when he starts crying and everyone just abandone him, even his friend!
And the coach, he didn't even ask him what's wrong. Just "hand in your jersey."
Even if I love the angst and everything, I hope it will get better for him. With Kieran! Update soon.

Well, I gotta say, you did get pretty poetic in both your story and your author's note! Haha, it was quite beautiful, actually!

I can definitely tell that Tyler is slipping into some pretty deep depression. Wonder what's gonna happen next!

Oh, and don't worry, the story is great! Not light and fluffy, but angsty and tragic! I like it! No, scratch that. I absolutely love it! Keep writing! 3

errrrmmm
I don't know what to say...
Suddenly the story changed completely xD
This "immanent omniscient" became n times more obvious here (or at least in the beginning of the chapter, and correct me if I'm wrong... because I am trying my best to understand it xD);
Tyler finally got across as a real character *no offense, he seemed a lifeless doll so far... only in this chapter you show he actually has a deeper strata in his psyche xD I didn't like him till now... now I do )
Kieran disappeared... well I know that he'll soon come back xD but for now he disappeared xD
I was practically forced to use a dictionary xD (you sure know how to make me feel inadequate in this matter QQ)
Finally we get inside on their past story
And Tyler was jokingly outed o.o that's weird alright... but majorly interesting xD
Not to say that he finally gets to think about his life... Yes. Tyler suddenly became a different character.
And yes. The language and style of writing was absolutely flawless...

The only thing I have left to say is... oki, I lied. 2 things:
1. When's the next chapter coming?
2. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA SSSSSSSEEEEEEEE don't stop at eleven QQ I'm sure you can find reasons to make yourself continue with it QQ I want moreeeeeeeeee. (unless you make super long chapters and by that I mean 10 Word pages, with 12 the size of letters xD each chapter!)

Cheers!
Sky.

oki... I feel a bit stupid? but I have to ask: what do the Augustans have do with Keiran crying/Kyle awkwardly trying to comfort him?

i like this. a lot. great job.

O.O

This is a very strange coincidence, and this chapter is freaking me out. I just learned tonight that one of my old friends almost died of second concussive syndrome, and now she has permanent brain damage. From playing soccer. And Tyler just got hit twice playing soccer.

There is a sinking feeling in my gut.

I really like this chapter. I think angst is your thing or something, because the emotion here's really good, and the pacing's better than it's been in the past. Ever notice how when writers write what they like, everything flows so much better?

I'm not sure about the little mini-scene in there. It doesn't seem important, other than that he gets hit in the head, so him getting hit in the head seems more important because of the proportioning. So unless you were going for second concussive syndrome (*cringe*), I'd find a way to alter the emphasis?

And I really should go back and review the chapters I creeper-stalked without reviewing. but I promised myself I'd finish a chapter tonight. Not that that's happening. Ugh.
-Liv

:( Ugh I can feel Tyler's pain- the dulling of everything around him... The way everything seems to be oh so pointless. And it makes me want to cry and hug him and say it gets better, and help is out there. :( Depression really does hurt. I hope someone will put two and two together and get Tyler help.

Please continue this story! I hope Tyler will come back to Kieran, rather than the opposite, because I feel as if Kieran was doing all the work while Tyler was on the recieving end.
Anyway, great story. I'm looking forward for the update. :D

What, they broke up? No, they can't do that! I feel so sorry for both of them, but mostly for Kieran in this chapter. Update soon!

I hope Tyler and Kieran stay together. I think they are good for each other but I understand that Tyler is going through a rough patch right now and he deals with it by clamping down.

Boop. BOOOP. Hello. I've decided to get over myself. Thinking of changing my avatar to some homemade pic that says "Hello, my name is Livia, and I'm a bitch."

I think that'd fit well.

So anyways.

Making out is an interesting method of conflict resolution. I could definitely see that happening, haha.

Devilled eggs? ...that's a terribly awkward party. Yeah, this is a bad situation. Teenagers and adult parties Do Not Mix. I think it plays out nicely.

I'm not a huge fan of the diction. I feel like it makes prose seem a bit condescending and flowery. Maybe a personal bias of mine.
-Liv