((face in hands)) well. you weren't lying about the angst. MY GOD MY HEART. Tyler, why? I mean, I sort of get why, but ((sob)).

I really liked the pacing of this chapter. It felt kind of like scenes in a movie or something? Especially that opening scene with the coaches that expanded out to the next scene with the players. I was really charmed by that.

Oh, but Tyler. I'm glad Craig is worried about him (and his parents, too) because this path he's going down isn't a healthy one, poor thing. I know he probably won't get better soon (if ever?) but I'm really routing for him!

Kieran, for all that he is older than Tyler, doesn't seem much more worldly or mature, and perhaps has forgotten how emo teenagers can be. Of course I'm hoping that Tyler's not sliding into depression. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Wow, hey, the emotions just stack up don't they.

That tiny bit with Craig did a lot. Also with Kieran - no! Don't just let him go! Chase him, grab him, hold him and reassure him...

I did find the lack of seeing Tyler's point of view in this chapter very effective, especially carried right through to the end and even only hearing Kieran's end of the conversation.

I guess now I sit tight and clench a pillow or something.

This chapter was so great! I can't believe that Tyler would want to break up with Kieran... over a phone call! Can't wait for more! Keep writing! :DDD

Hey, I'm glad you seem a little more up than down...I'm sorry I can't message you (it doesn't work from my phone and my webs are sporadic).

I was a little confused at first but by the end of the chapter it made sense and I think it worked well that it was all from other people's perspectives and not Tyler's, and at the end gosh my heart just went out to kieran, I feel his pain dude! And it hurts!

Love

Suki

Hey you:) this is good! I can truly empathise with Tyler and his impotence/ his inability to call Kieran, even though he is longing to!

"He was submarine' I love that line.

I'm looking forward to more!

Sukix

This chapter was great! I can't wait to see what's happening with their relationship! Keep writing! :DDDDD

P.S. : I hope you get better! 3

Sorry to hear that you're in a weird place.

This chapter is great! Neil sounds like he's going to be sort of a 'villain'? Well, he sounds menacing.

First off: story talk. This chapter was so, so good. I just love how realistic everything is. I remember being in high school and having one bad night ruin like, a week of my life. You just carry it around with you and feel stupid and embarrassed and hurt, and all those things turn into anger. I thought you captured that perfectly.

BUT OH NOES, Tyler! I just want to pull him out of his life for a minute and cuddle him. Poor thing! Not making captain! Oh man. :( cryfacecryface.

This was so good, friend. It made my heart hurt in the best way.

Thanks for the thanks, btw! I'm glad it got you new followers because this story deserves it! Like I've said before, I think you're writing about something that doesn't get written about enough, and you're doing it so well.

:( I hope you're feeling better! Let me know if you ever need a cheerleader!

Sorry I've taken so long to review. I moved and then went on vacation (I'm in a hotel room right now with my whole family, trying to read quietly...I'm realizing I'm a very vocal reader. all "Oh, Kieran, bb, you're such a sweetheart." and "Cry it out, Tyler, you cute thing." and also, "Moe, you can go to hell now, thanks.")

But anyway, I love this chapter. I think you captured the party scene beautifully from both sides, but especially Kieran's. I was recently in a situation where I was introducing two people I love to each other and there was a tension there because they were both from very separate parts of my life. When Kieran was talking to Mario and asked him if he thought Tyler was beautiful, I just...my heart just broke all over the place for everyone. That was the most awkward perfect thing.

Okay, I have more to say, but I'm too impatient to read the next chapter!

Tyler makes me not miss beibg a teenager- the insecurity, the lack of confidence in his own self-worth is just depressing. And I can't help but wonder how Kieran feels.

Poor Tyler :( I feel so sorry for him.

Okay, what was Moes problem? How could she be so mean? Come on, Tyler is 17 and not a little kid. How could she treat him that way? And Kieran too. How old is he? It can't be that many years between the two of them.
My other thoughts of this chapter was that Kieran's trying too much, while Tyler is trying too little. I think if they both had relaxed and just tried to enjoy themselves without preconceptions (hope that's the right word) I think the evening had went a lot better.

I genuinely think this is probably the best chapter yet.

I love the descriptions you do in general, or just the images: 'held in a sigh, pushed it down with more sandwich.' 'Autumn had fallen like a boot to the face, sudden and intense.' I think I like this about your style of writing in general, and it flows very nicely here.

I really feel for Tyler's postponing of the phonecall, especially with his thoughts in italics, and the sort of standstill reached because of the arrangement he has with Kieran so he can control communications. Oh, my feelings!

Your description of Neil makes me wonder if he's going to have a further role, or if his sole role here in taking the position of captain from Tyler will be his only real participation to the plot, soft-sad as it already is. Also 'His ancestors were probably of the 'rape and pillage' variety.' is a rather funny description even though it's not, if you know what I mean.

The loss of Kieran for Tyler is enhanced here by the temporary loss of viewpoint switching and makes this chapter that touch more effective. I like it.

Ouch, it must hurt to step on a wasp. Actually, I have done it, but I was just a little kid so I don't remember the pain anymore. Poor Tyler. But you can tell something is not quite right with him... the way he reacted on stepping on it and that he got angry only because he didn't wore his shoes. It's like he's afraid of doing the wrong things, even if they're not wrong.
But Kieran should take it a bit easy with him too. He must realize that his boyfriend is not out yet, so he shouldn't be angry at him.