|Reviews for Dragonpeople of Khairis|
| Four Tomatoes 8/16/12 . chapter 24
Lumping a review for 21-24 here:
"Perhaps she's admiring the way the tunic goes with his hair." LIA, YOU FOOL!
Like how everything's coming together- the dragon people are protecting a Tuliean after she was going to be married to Dagov, and those same dragonpeople were attacked by an Araknyd that was brought through the portal that was formed when Lia took the little elf home and the man who saved her after bonding with Rusalka was an elf.
IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL
| Solomon Sia 8/12/12 . chapter 13
Romance! Well, you can't really expect to be left alone when wearing a dress that screams 'dance with me', can you? I like how the sheltered girls are gradually being introduced, and coming to the attention of, the world outside.
I really enjoyed this chapter, because it was so well balanced. Dagov's betrothal seems to be even more significant, I can't help but feel he is trying to draw out old Tuliean for a confrontation. At the same time, Rusalka has found friends. The innocence of the dragons' play is a marked contrast to the stiff and nuanced betrothal going on within.
| Solomon Sia 8/12/12 . chapter 12
Really enjoyed this chapter, because of the minor rebellion of the girls here, that goes beyond slaps and mean remarks.
Hey, what's wrong with Dagov? Those are GORGEOUS dresses! And definitely the silver girdle, dah-ling. And lose those boots. Dance barefoot if you have to. Martha, Lia and Finola obviously know their stuff. I can imagine Dagov sputtering with perplexed rage already.
I loved the contrast between the betrothal dress and the forlornness of Jena. It lends an extra poignancy because had she been married to anyone else, she would have been so happy instead. No matter how beautiful the dress, it can't change the bridegroom, and that's a strong message right there.
And the last two lines added even more sparkling humour to this chapter. It's a very nice touch.
| Solomon Sia 8/12/12 . chapter 11
Liking this chapter. The words and conversation flowed very naturally, and the reveals are well paced.
Ah! The reasons for Dagov's marriage become clear. And suddenly he seems even more a spiteful, prideful man. I can imagine anger and sorrow because his sisters were kidnapped, and the desire to have revenge, but if he's doing it just as a matter of pride, it just makes him more of a creature than ever.
There's a real problem here. Dagov talks as though he has a lot of power, and even Mac is afraid of him. I hope they are able to undermine him somehow.
| Solomon Sia 8/9/12 . chapter 10
The language and motion were very well executed in this chapter, I felt I was watching a set of skilled improvised dancers!
I'm suddenly making a double-take on Eric Dagov, because at this moment I dont know what to think. Clearly Lia's mistaken about him wanting Jena for her estate (doesn't Eric already own Jena's estate?), although I don't know what advantage he'd have taking a Jena as his wife, even knowing that she is related to the Tulieans which he dislikes. Revenge, perhaps? Or something else, it could even be a noble gesture...I'm sure if I thought hard I could find the answer, but I'm content to wait. Dagov, if you want to marry a woman you have to make your reasons clear, not just your intentions!
Totally did not see the twist coming of Jena being a (spoiler alert), although everything fell together very neatly into place, and the strings are coming together very nicely now. And I must say I love the theme of this story, where a family fights because of their love for one another, and are held hostage by that same love.
| Solomon Sia 8/9/12 . chapter 9
This was a nice chapter.
I love how Rusalka echoes Lia's emotions in a more direct way. I especially loved it when Lia braided Jena's hair, as I thought that was a very sweet and touching expression of sisterly affection. It was really good.
Ha yeah! I can't wait for the revelation of why Dagov wishes to marry Jena. It can't be for any good reason. It's obvious from the wedding that he's only interested in appearances and doesn't care about Jena's feelings in the slightest. Dagov is so terrible, and old, and I'd actually like a closer description of him now, though I can roughly picture his slick black hair and oily smile.
| Solomon Sia 8/9/12 . chapter 8
This is such a sweet chapter, starting with a chance encounter and ending with a crisis. I really liked the way you introduced the new key characters here.
FIrstly, I loved the way you introduced the snow dragon and its male companion. You highlighted his attractiveness in such a gentle and yet intimate way that spoke volumes of Lia's shyness and innocence. It's like the author herself wrote this scene shyly. Plus I really love the dragons. They're so sweet and playful, I can picture the snow dragon basking lazily in the sun (that's a rather special image to me, a snow dragon with silver scales that glitter in the sun), and of course the sleek wet Rusalka that rubs his body against Lia's leg.
Eric's desire to marry Jena came as quite a shock to me, and events moved rather fast, although I was able to catch on quickly. The sudden bursts of emotion from Mac, Lia and Jena were powerful, and I felt the sense of helplessness acutely. It's terrible how the sister's loved ones are being held hostage against each other However, I would have wanted to know, before the sudden emotions, a clearer picture of what caused these events. I would like to know why Eric Dagov wishes to marry Jena and is exerting so much pressure on her to accept his betrothal. It makes me wonder what is attractive about Jena. It can't possibly be her looks or her personality, that's not something Dagov is interested in. But at the same time Jena is practically an orphan, so it's interesting! Waiting to see how it all ties together!
| Solomon Sia 8/2/12 . chapter 7
Interesting addition to the end of the chapter, that describes a rather different set of dragons. Some of them sound dangerous, so maybe they aren't all just little pets? Looking forward to hearing about them later in the story. I can imagine other dragons that are able to actually converse with their owners, maybe even help them as a team.
Once again, you have a very subtle way of increasing the bond between Lia and Rusalka. So it seems they share some emotions, and even have a way to sense danger. She might even be able to improve her...swimming?
Looking forward to the rest of your story!
| Solomon Sia 8/2/12 . chapter 6
I love the little Rusalka! Especially the way he mirrors all Lia's emotions. Dang it, Lia's so lucky. I can't believe she's already a dragonwoman.
There was a very sweet pacing throughout this part of the story, it's smooth and flowing, like water. When I read it, I get a safe feeling as though nothing can go wrong. that's because, as an author, you take care of your story and its people well. I love especially the soft, subtle touches to your story, such as the water dragon's small chirrup that wakes Lia and the slight change in colour of her eyes and the tattoo that appears on her forearm. The marks on Lia are just like the touch of your author words.
Looks like Elaine and Lia are both Dragonpeople.
| Solomon Sia 7/27/12 . chapter 5
I enjoyed the description of the Blue Hall, and wouldn't have minded hearing even more about it. It sounds like it would have been my favorite hall too. I like the sudden appearance of the strange man, and I can't wait to find out who he is. Regarding the length of the chapter, I felt it was just right, and no problems if you want to keep writing at this length.
[Mac was unusually tense, like a wolf whose territory has been invaded.] This really describes to a T Mac's feelings. Uneasy, protective, yet unable to react openly. Very nice sentence!
["Do you trust me, Lia?" asked Miranda suddenly.
"Not really."] I like this a lot too, because Miranda gives off such a sense of reassurance and security, at least in my opinion, she's almost motherly, yet her refusal to tell Lia the nature of the payment thus far, and of course Lia's unique circumstances make it difficult for her to trust anyone. I suspect! That the payment has something to do with Lia being a dragonperson although I need to read on to find out.
Oh. She just got herself bonded to a waterdragon...Aha I am even more suspicious that I am right now.
| Four Tomatoes 7/26/12 . chapter 20
Liked this, it was a filler chapter with potential leadings to conflict.
Random question- what type of shoes does Lia wear when she is out in te forest? I hadn't really thought about it up until now.
| Solomon Sia 7/25/12 . chapter 4
Jena's already developing a rather wilful and individual personality, I see.
Her strange discomfort at the beginning of the chapter also heightens her importance in the reader's mind. Aha! I suddenly realise the mysterious shadow was Jena! Slow of me. You left enough clues, though.
When Jena accosted Lia, I couldn't help but feel out of the loop, as though there was some information that was not disclosed to the reader.
E.g. "The Tuliéans are innocent, Lia! You know that. You could save them."
How does Lia know anything about the Tuliéans?
And the name Belisariun, and the Council spoken of so familiarly, it seems that this is not the first time the girls are attending the council meetings. Perhaps Mac has often told them stories about the council and its members?
At the same time, I feel the loophole regarding 'the daughter of Alana Whyteleaf' is very convenient...too convenient. And yet neither Belisariun nor the dark-haired man knew about this second daughter, so who's the mastermind who planned this?
Ah...Jena has a strong sense of justice. Lia is courageous and righteous, and now Lia is in debt to the dragonpeople, nice! The Tuliéans are also in debt to Lia. The plot has indeed thickened. Looking forward to reading on more.
| Solomon Sia 7/25/12 . chapter 3
First off, the early movements of the girls: going for a walk, going to get a book, started the chapter out softly, which actually provided a nice contrast to the build up of tension that followed later that morning.
I particularly enjoyed your introduction and description of the Tuliéan children. The phrase hawk-like is perfectly appropriate, given their situation as isolated but endangered, proud, aloof, really good analogy there.
I liked these phrases especially:
He seemed to be hovering almost protectively over her.
He returned her stare defiantly, as if to say: Look your fill.
(Although when i think about it, perhaps one 'as if' after another might not work so well in your story)
I think Lia's actions were pretty cute, and I liked the nice contrast between her desire to find a book to read, and her supposedly 'illegible scrawl' that is her handwriting/ fake signature? It just adds more to their character beyond simple women who comb their hair and do the housework.
Of course, there are so many subtle tensions that are rising out of the woodwork in this story: increased wonder about Elaine's significance, the strange figure outside the main hall (who is female! Interesting!), where Lia may have seen Alexis before...etc. It's a rich field of seeds you have sown, can't wait to see them grow.
| Four Tomatoes 7/24/12 . chapter 19
Aww :) This chapter was very sweet. Nice to see how Lia was so attached to Irsavon even though she only knew him a couple days.
20% of 100 chapters soon :O (Because 100 chapters is a perfectly reasonable goal, no? :p)
| Solomon Sia 7/24/12 . chapter 2
Takes courage to follow up one soft start with a soft beginning. However, writing
"Next time, the tension builds..." in the author comments is a sure page turner! I will be turning.
The world is taking shape. We have councillors, I like the strong presence of female leads in this story, not often seen at all in high fantasy. I appreciate the experimentation with new form, it's a very feminine writing style.
Now the thing primarily of interest to me is that small green dragon. What does it look like? I think dragons are always fun to describe, and pretend that the reader has no idea what it looks like. It is some kind of familiar? Or is it a part of the woman Miranda herself, as parts of your story subtly suggest?