Okay, it's a good story so far. The plot is interesting and I'm eager to read more, but there are a few things that are also wrong with this. Don't get me wrong because I don't want to come off as some grammar Nazi-smart alack, but first off, I want to put out that the punctuation is really off. You have commas where there should be periods and some run-on sentences. Secondly, the chapter lacked descriptions and details. Lastly, the pace was just too fast, like you rushed to get to the end. Putting all that aside, I like what I read and I hope to read more. Good work.

Oooooooooooh...this piece if very enthralling! :D I liked it so far! I can't really complain about anything here. It's a good start and it definitely intrigues the reader into reading more.

This is so cool! keep going!

Continue for the love of criminey! Continue!