|Reviews for Faith|
| Zhenny 6/21/12 . chapter 1
I've got one recommendation for your story: proofread!
From reading your story, I could clearly tell you did not proofread it. It's obvious to me that you are a good writer who writes as fast as your mind thinks, but you must make sure you proofread when you are finished.
One example of this: "he would have thrown up whatever he had in his mouth in anxiousness". We do not throw up from our mouths but from our stomachs. Writing this sentence implied that the character had something in his mouth at the time, so you must proofread to ensure that you catch these little things. It's recommended to wait about 24 hours from writing the story before you proofread. (I'll admit that my biggest flaw in writing is not proofreading!)
Other than this recommendation, I enjoyed your story. I liked how a Mother and a Father who are usually side-by-side in their beliefs seem to be on the opposite spectrum. It's an interesting way to compare those with religion and those without. Not only that, but the relationship between the Mother and Father is interesting to see because they share different beliefs.
Not only does your story offer a unique comparison, but it expresses something we all deal with at some point in our lives: the frustration we feel from the death of a loved one. It's something many of us readers can relate to and many other readers will someday experience for themselves.
I have to wonder if this is a true story, though, why the Grandfather fell ill so quickly after the Grandmother passed away? Statistically, this is the case in older couples, as when one passes the other will generally pass within the next few years. But I am still curious to know what caused it, and I wish you had included that in your story as well (though I worry it might have taken away from the story's original point).
My only recommendation is for you to proofread your work next time so you catch those off-sounding sentences. Otherwise, great job! You wrote this story with such passion that I had an easy time forgetting about those off-sentences and focusing instead on the emotions I was feeling from reading the story. Continue writing wonderful stories and make sure you proofread! ;)