Oh gosh.

I almost cried.

Something spoke to me.

Maybe it was the cold medicine I took today.

Probably.

I have tears in my eyes.

I'm blubbering.

Poor baby Dexter.

Grrrrrr.

Stupid Jimmy Carlisle.

Stupid cold medicine.

Why can't I stop cryyyiiing?

-Laney

Even if Kyler is such a stalker, his speech was kind of cute... but also borderline sketchy. At least he knows himself when he mentions he knew Dexter for like five minutes. I find Kyler's interludes a very nice change to Dexter's POV. Looking forward to reading more of Kyler's thoughts.

This is cute but also somewhat odd. Kyler is hot and rich, but I think he is falling too fast for Dexter. When he describes Dexter with "Dark brown hair, copper colored eyes" it also seems a bit redundant... Dexter is totally right in the sense that Kyler gives off a stalker-ish vibe.

Firstly, I think that by far the best part of the way you've written this story is: character developement. You really made kyler and dexter, and even ali, so 3-dimensional that if you told me they are real people, I'd believe it. The one character to work on would be grace. she is the only one who you can tell is a fictional character instead of a real person.

Another thing i love about this story: there are virtually no convention or grammar errors. So many people on fictionpress and fanfiction just don't proofread, and it shows. Because you take the time to proofread yours, the story just flows so much better.

Question: Are we going to hear any more about Grace and Kody's relationship? Cause I think that would be really great.

Suggestion: could you follow up on Trevor's condition? you mentioned that the bronchitus wasn't fatal, but how is he doing? Could we also get to know Dexter's other roommates?

Oh, and one more thing i like about your writing style: you always end chapters with a powerful simple sentence. I just really, really like that.

That's all for now
-Ruleofthumb

UPDATE...YES! THANK YOU (-)

I'm curious what will happen, but his reaction was (as expected) not good, so we'll see. I can understand why Kyler is angry, but I can understand Dexter's thoughts more. He's not perfect, but very human, at least in my opinion. This story is so angsty, but I really like it and thank you for uploading!

Thank god trevor is okay! I don't think i could handle a death in this story. I really want kyler and dex to be okay and live happily ever after together. I know i have a long wait if it even happenes that way but i can hope! Amazing add my dear. :)

I really love this chapter. First, you didn't kill Trevor! Thank you for that!
Second, the conversation with Ali. Uh, I hate her. "You hurt the people you love". No, you DON'T! She's so selfish. What she did to Dexter, and even what she did to Trevor, just threw him off the insurance.
Then the last part... heartbreaking :( First it says in Dexter's file that he doesn't handle rejection very well, and then Kyler rejects him anyway.
But, I still believe they will work things out between them. I hope Kyler will understand. I think he will.

Okay, WTF? So Ali had two choices: give Dexter to the psycho for a nice chunk of cash which would predictably result in Dexter being so damaged he couldn't work anymore, thus reducing a large source of her income; OR give Dexter to Kyler for an even bigger chunk of cash which MAY have resulted in them having a happily ever after and leaving her in the cold without her cash cow. It looks as if it was damned if you do, damned if you don't, and she picked the option that would ensure Dexter would be destroyed mentally and physically. Does she hate him or something? And is she mentally deficient, because she would have gotten a bigger payout if she had picked Kyler instead.

So, I'm taking a break from frantically writing to review this. First of all, I'm so happy Trevor is going to be alright! And I hate Ali so much, wow, what a bitch. I'm really hoping Kyler isn't too hard on Dexter about he pills, he didn't even take them! He's only angry because he cares so hopefully he'll realize that and there will be fluff and happiness and stuff.

Question: Um. Well, that's not good. I think Kyler may forgive him, since he didn't just stumble upon the meds or anything, but it's going to take a while.

So, while reading this I was trying to figure out the point of this chapter, you know what it means, and it seems to be mostly about Kyler and who he is...but. I don't know. It feels more like you decided to tell us things than show us things, and at one point it works in this.

This paragraph, however:
"In the past few hours, I have easily characterized Kyler. He lets himself hurt if it means taking care of the people he loves. He sacrifices his own happiness, willingly holds his heart out to be broken, because he thinks that is what I need. He pretends like I never said I couldn't love someone because he cares enough to be the person I need, even if it is only for a short amount of time. Kyler is the type of person who wants to feel needed because he forgot what desire was long ago."

Bothers me. I feel like you shouldn't have had to tell us this. When he's listing off facts about Kyler later when he's talking to Ali, it seems more like Dex's thoughts, but this. This seems like a character sketch a writer would do. Does the difference make sense?

Still hate Ali, btw.

I thought this chapter was really good. The dance was very intense. As soon as Ali said that we lost four this year, and included Trevor, it made me wonder - well done. I just have a couple of ideas/suggestions:

You skipped ahead four days this chapter. I think that is the first time you've jumped ahead that far. That is why the familiarity seems striking. I was fine as long as I reminded myself about the four days, but you could include a sentence or two with Dexter reflecting on that time to help bridge across it.

Kyler seems to have lost most of his arrogance from early on. I'm not sure that is realistic.

The club was described well until Ali got up. It sounded like she was the only female in the place. Maybe that is how she likes it - if you wanted that to stand out, it did.

As far as what's going to happen, after New Years, I would expect Kyler to have to go to work full time, which should lead to some problem time for Dexter.

Oh shit... This is some heavy reading, but I'm totally in for it. I'm simply craving for more...

so, if you truely listen to suggestions...you should most definately NOT KILL TREVOR! This story is sad enough without death to add to it. honestly, i hate death. espeacially little innocents like trevor :( the rest of this chapter was great though :D keep up the briliance...and remember not to kill trevor -_-

I'm a bit confused about Dexter's seemingly nonchalance in regard to Ali selling him out to a rapist for her own gain. Why did he go to this party? Shouldn't he cut ties with her (or at least cuss her out) instead of celebrating with her? If it were me, I'd be so furious I'd probably set one of her clubs on fire as payback or beat the sh*t out of her.