|Reviews for Pink|
| Small Wings Flying 7/15/12 . chapter 1
I don't like the way you've done stage directions here. Firstly, your last sentence all the time lacks a fullstop, and strictly speaking it should have one. The other thing is you're mincing words there; stage directions need to be direct as they are performed, not read out to an audience. For eg. [She is nervous. She paces back and forth.] - could be written as [Nervously, she paces back and forth] and the last line could be simply [she exits] - the room part is a given.
I like the soliloquy though; it works well as a play because it's got emotion screaming in the dialogue, and that makes the tool and the absence of speaker tags really powerful.
You need a reason for that paragraph break though. A major stage direction usually. Since it's a play, it can't be seen, so you can't throw it in.
Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)