Aw, this was so sweet. Hey, it's me from Fanfiction! Hi:) Still, your writing amazes me. Too bad it's an oneshot, this shows promise!

Awww that was super cute! I liked the way you painted a picture of the surroundings and characters in the readers' minds. Good job. Really cool dream-like quality also.

Just make sure you watch those tenses ;) I think you started in present, changed to past, then changed to present tense again.

Keep writing!
-LOTRMS