|Reviews for The Calypso|
| Catherine Stark 12/10/12 . chapter 1
This is really good! Always love a pirate story, they don't seem to come up on this site. Shame...
But this was a really good read! Thanks for mentioning it, I really enjoyed it. :) Keep it up!
| Monica 7/20/12 . chapter 1
Awseome! Update soon
| Unicornswag 7/11/12 . chapter 1
Love the idea for this story. Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
| Victoria Best 7/11/12 . chapter 1
Wow, I really like this! You've got a unique, innovative plot here which is developing at a great pace and you have studded the story with some memorable characters. I cannot wait to see where this story will lead and you have left it on such a cliffhanger! I cannot believe they are taking her to their ship! I wonder what they are planning to do with her and what she will do. I have so many questions! :D
The story mainly caught my attention with this sentence: "With an audible snicking sound, the blades closed around raven locks." It was certainly an effective part of the story and also added a sense of intrigue as it leads us to question why she is cutting her hair and what she is going to do. It is a subtle way to hint that she is planning to disguise herself as a boy perhaps to run away, but without stating it explicitly or over-explaining. It was a great way to start the story without bluntly stating anything, only implying, thus we must think for ourselves and come to our own conclusions. It's a great beginning to the story as it is almost as though we are actually there with her on her journey, starting right with her escape from the castle. I also like how you don't bluntly state the reason why she is running away, which again encourages us to think for ourselves, build our own perceptions of the characters, and read on just to find out more. You have a brilliant plot with complexity and depth and I cannot wait to see where it leads.
The dialogue was very believable. "We don' getta question't." / Whaddya want water fer?" We get a clear sense of voice from both of these characters and from that we can easily see their social class. Also, from the fact that their styles of speech are so different, I get the feeling that in this world there are severe divisions between the rich and the poor. I think that perhaps divisions in society are a huge problem in her society, for example the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. This is obviously not good news for Railee, because the monarchs may well have gained hundreds of enemies throughout the kingdom simply because they are so rich and powerful. If anyone were to find her, as indeed the crew of the ship find her at the end of this chapter, she is in a lot of trouble.
I love Railee. I think she is a great character and you have written her brilliantly. "She watched as the figure slumped to the ground." That was brilliant! You have created a strong female character who can take care of herself whom we can really empathise with. It is great that she is not a typical damsel-in-distress typical princess. Also, she obviously has a strong sense of morality because she did not kill the gaurds, instead just poisoning them. This suggests that she places her humanity before her safety and she would rather get caught but die being a good, innocent individual, than kill everyone in sight and lose sight of her humanity. The fact that she is such a strong-minded and determined character, who obviously has a strong sense of right and wrong, immediately makes her a character we can really cheer for and support on her journey, thus we want to know more about her and we can really connect with her on an emotional level.
Okay, I am going to be honest, I did not like the very beggining of this story where she examines herself in the mirror, starting with: "Raialee stared into the ornate mirror. Expressionless grey eyes stared back." While the description in this section is good and enables us to visualise her, which is of course important, describing Railee through the mirror is incredibly lame and cliche - it is overused, having been done a million times before. Secondly, it is unconvincing simply because it feels forced and unnatural. I don't know about you, but when I look in the mirror, I don't say to myself "Oh, look at my expressionless grey eyes staring back at me." So your story is in third person. This does not make an exception. In reality TV shows, where narrators discuss the celebrities' actions, say Big Brother or I'm a Celebrity, if a celebrity looks in the mirror, does the voiceover guy go "Oh, Vicky's expressionless grey eyes are staring back at her?" No. I think you're a brilliant writer and you certainly have talent and potential so I am sure you could think of a much more innovative and original way to describe your characters.
Leading on from that point, I disliked when you say "She still looked pretty." How does she KNOW she still looks pretty? How does she KNOW she was ever pretty to begin with? The truth is, beauty is subjective. What one person sees as a super model another person sees as a toad. That's just the way life is. It would be better to keep it to the description that we can naturally believe and appreciate, for example of physical appearance, before implying anything about the character's real place on a scale of beauty, that naturally requires more explanation and evidence. The best way to PROVE, for lack of a better word, that your character is beautiful, is to allow us to perceive her in someone else's eyes, for example in the next chapter we could get a brief description of her set through the eyes of the captain. Or, if you decide to keep this the way it is, elaborate on thoughts and emotions - how does she feel when she looks at herself? What is she thinking? How do other people feel or what do they think when they see her? Has anyone ever commented on her beauty? There is a world of possibilities out there.
Otherwise this is a great story and I cannot wait to see where it leads. You have a great plot developing here and you are clearly a talented writer. Keep writing and following your dreams! :D
| izziet 7/9/12 . chapter 1
oh this is so exciting! please update soon! i want to find out what happens next!