|Reviews for Abandonment|
| charlie89 9/8/12 . chapter 1
I'm definately going to keep reading this one. Fantastic end to chapter one, cant wait to find out what happens next. please give me feedback on my novel cassandra ande I'll continue to review your work too. Once i've read some more I'll give a bit more detail on my favourite parts and why and stuff like that.
| FixedUrFic 7/3/12 . chapter 1
I'm stuck on your first couple of sentences, so let me give you some pointers. Starting out with a description to set the mood is a good idea, but your execution is a little clunky. Let me break it down:
"Dark shadows danced around the room. The stone grey walls gave the building a haunting feel and so to did the gothic features (Such as the dragon's head which peeped out at the top of a stone pillar)."
You've got the seeds of some good spooky imagery here, but you don't really know where to plant them. Your most distinct and interesting feature ended up crammed into parentheses like an afterthought, and you shouldn't have to *tell* the reader that the features give the building a "haunting feel." Your handling of the imagery should *show* that automatically. Here's my personal revision:
"Dark shadows danced across the cold stone walls. A crackling fireplace blazed nearby, revealing the chamber's more Gothic features. One in particular, a glowering dragon's head perched in stark relief atop a stone pillar, was so lifelike that one would swear it's eyes were following the movement of the couple far below."
Just let the imagery do the work for you. You're audience will get the sense of "haunting" from that. Good luck :)
| Guest 7/3/12 . chapter 1
amazing babe, I love it keep it up :)