|Reviews for Glory & Honour|
| Ganheim 11/17/12 . chapter 1
Good and evil are interchangeable
[Not according to almost every definition used by cultures across the world. “Light and dark” might be more like the metaphor you might be reaching for, because the two exist with each other, but most languages and folk tales refer to “good” as another way of saying “constructive” and “evil” as a way of referring to “deconstructive”…and not in the means of death in order to facilitate rebirth. The two may exist in the same world but are not necessary elements of a stable world]
galloped towards the fire place and
steadied his breathing to reply
[before he replied? “to reply” seems to mean that his harsh breathing caused instead of preceded the reply]
than a one hundred thousand
facing a group of Learned sorcerers was difficult
[So why not start off throwing bolts of destruction before they can collect into a group?]
Being forced to serve someone faithfully was a form of torture
[Then what about the veneration of ‘leader’ earlier in the chapter? I would think this mindset would naturally lead to extremely small anarchist groups who are only together for transient purposes]
You have an interesting beginning, and there are a lot of things that I have questions on – if there are different systems of magic in this world, how did they arise and how did one come to be held in prestige? Are these particular people (or maybe all of the ‘naturals’) a different ethnicity, or is there a level of intermingling of society that regularly occurs? The fact that you’ve managed to create a start as relatively firm as this and drawn out such questions is good, but there are also problems with your character interactions and especially the social aspects, like my above mentioned aspect of anarchism/leader veneration. Maybe also calling it a conflict between chaos and order would be more fitting because those exist together in nature while good and evil are pretty universally held as noncompatible concepts whether or not you believe they are created by humans or not.
| Solomon Sia 7/3/12 . chapter 1
Promising beginning! I like the tension you have developed between Learned and Natural. I want to know more about how these two magicians diverged, how they may be similar. I can already see the lines between good and evil blurring too. Looking forward to reading more chapters!
perhaps try the word campfire instead of fire place.
It is not absolutely clear that Aarin is the man with short orange hair.
In the second last paragraph, Aarin was used when you probably meant Durnan.