I don't like you switching suddenly to left justified - I stared at the middle for few secods before realising the poem wasn't there. It could be because I'm neck to neck of sorts with Liv right now, but it's good to keep consistency with collections such as this.

I like the capitalisation of "Hurts" because it really drives home the main idea of this poem. it's a small pinpoint that draws the ideas about heart and pain together to the title, heartache. Good placement too. It's about where the heart is in a human body. Clever.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

I like the use of page breaks at the beginning because it serves to highlight the concept of entrapment, lining the image of white with bars of black if I look really blurrily.

I like the concept of blindness by this poem, particularly how it begins with black, ie. blindness of the body, and ends with blindness of the heart, because it makes a nice round image, starting off with something physical and ending with its metaphorical counterpart. Real effective.

One thing I don't like is putting the title in the same format as the actual poem; it can be easily mistaken as a part of the poem itself and invites a reread for the wrong reasons. Structurewise, it would be best to format it. I didn't look at the dropdown menu until I stumbled and realised something wasn't making sense.

I like the repetition of {It happened to me} - it's a nice, powerful punching line that reflects back on the definition of a "dream" as opposed to reality. Of something to cling to even when it passes, of something that looses its vigour when it's realised. The placement makes that concept really effective.

I find the the psuedo rhyme of [hurts/bird] rather disruptive of the rhythm, as up till then there's no sign or suggestion to anything outside the freeverse structure. The concept of wings works better with that freeverse, so I don't find the attempt to force structure on to it particularly effective.

I like how you end this though; the concept of standing upon upon one's feet and walking where they need to, of taking the hard road no matter how because the easy road has been blocked. It's a nice tail of courage and persistence, and those last two lines have summed it up well.

Ohana from the Review Marathon (link in profile)