|Reviews for Unmagical Bystander|
| KaiserSchwarz 12/31/12 . chapter 4
Oh my gosh! This poor guy. xD Hm, the introduction of the magical girls was interesting. The spell names are proper and very magical-girl sounding, which is a huge plus. Sometimes people tend to over do it, but these are juuuuust right for starting spells. Nice work.
| KaiserSchwarz 12/31/12 . chapter 3
Well, that was interesting. With this poor guy's luck, their names would mean death.
| KaiserSchwarz 12/31/12 . chapter 2
Dude, shifting point of views is awesome! Anyway, I almost laughed uncontrollably with the whole parody fight scene. The Kamehameha bit got me. xD DBZ was a very fond memory for me as a child, so to see someone referencing it just makes my day!
I will continue on, if anything to see how this poor guy deals with the magical girls. Nice set up so far. It's got my interest now.
You seem to have a good grasp of fantasy from what I'm reading. If possible, could you read and review my story, "Synchronizer?"
| KaiserSchwarz 12/31/12 . chapter 1
Well, that was an interesting opening. Still, I don't know enough yet to make any clear conclusions so I'm gonna read a little more and get back to you on that. Good opening chapter though with the exception of the four dots at the end of the last line of the chapter. That's a tad unusual, but it doesn't detract much from the opening's value.
| TheGoldChain 10/30/12 . chapter 1
Wow this is certainly interesting! Keith seems to have some sort of social problems. And not problems but like actual mental problems?! What am I saying?! Sorry it's my first review! /
| GeckoGecko554 10/27/12 . chapter 2
Let me see...
Interesting characters: Check
Nice buildup to magic: Check
Hilarious author: Check
| Katsurou Shimizu 10/23/12 . chapter 5
Hmm, so this was the last chapter before you started on a hiatus. You have a couple of potentially interesting characters there, such as the girl in the meteor, and the snarky Doubt (which I like, I have a soft spot for snarky characters). Not so much for Kevin or Devin though atm, whose purpose in the plot thus far seem to only act as comedic relief. Initially when I read chapter 2, I thought perhaps that Keith was going to become a magical girl with his remark (that he looked like a girl when he was tired) ala Kore wa Zombie desu ka, but so far I'm not too sure where this is going. But this could potentially be a plot point you might want to try out.
| Katsurou Shimizu 10/23/12 . chapter 3
Sorry for posting this review so late.
Yep, reading this chapter confirms it. You are much better at doing 1st POV. It gives the story a lot more life and beat. I actually think the first part where Daichi and Yoichi were conversing with their mom could be converted into 1st POV (where Keith just notices them out of the corner of his eye, listening to his blaring earphones) and made into a funnier affair where they tried to converse with Keith but the latter ends up misunderstanding or making snarky comments.
Stalker lolicon. I like the inner monologue where he observes the girl after walking/running past her.
And that meteor reminds me of the one that struck the man and his dog in Armaggedon (sorry random comment). Again.
| Katsurou Shimizu 10/8/12 . chapter 2
I was going to comment on your strange jumping back and forth of POV until you listed it in your Q&A lol. For me it didn't quite work, because I thought you had a pretty good voice for 1st POV and yes, like you said you threw me off pretty badly midway in the 2nd chapter. That said, there are some intriguing aspects of the MC, such his comments about looking like a girl in the beginning, and taking of medication. I did find the internal monologue a little annoying though. Yes the MC is a traumatized antisocial teenager but you could depict him better through his mannerisms. The problem with 1st POV is that people can lurch into that trap of me-me-me syndrome which can be rather offputting.
| TheBloodEdge 9/9/12 . chapter 5
I love Doubt! Doubt is awesome!
All them references...
Kichirou... KIIIIIICK! vs Ace Custom! KIIIIIICK! Who'll win?
| Louis-sama 8/11/12 . chapter 5
Alright, I'm done reading all chapters. First of all, I have to say that this story is pretty interesting. And it's easy to read due to its simplicity. While Western things are being peppered here and there, I can say you've done a pretty good job.
And while this story is quite humorous, I found that the humors are rather forced and not too convincing. It feels like you're writing 'this is a funny scene from a funny story, please laugh' instead of showing the humor itself. What I'm trying to tell you is that you should make the humors more appealing, because it feels rather inadequate.
Overall, good job. I'll be looking forward for the future chapters.
| Miles Montgomery 8/8/12 . chapter 5
Must...have...more. Post more soon, please.
| Miles Montgomery 8/8/12 . chapter 4
Keith is an interesting character but he is well thought out. On to next chapter.
| Miles Montgomery 8/8/12 . chapter 3
Keith has a girlfriend...kinda. On to next chapter. Loving this btw.
| Miles Montgomery 8/8/12 . chapter 2
This made me laugh a few times. I like the brothers, Daichi and Yoichi. On to next chapter.