|Reviews for If You Could Change the World?|
| Anon 7/19/12 . chapter 3
Cool beans finally we meet a council member Desmond seems like Claire's biatch. :P
| Guest 7/18/12 . chapter 3
With the reveal of the five Detention limit being a delinquent does not seem like a desirable option, especially when you consider that it's spread out over three years. Class must be extremely brutal to make it the lesser of two evils.
The dialogue with the Chef before the punishment scene felt incredibly rushed. Going into the scene Sayuki is just walking away from the first death she's seen that she's actually had time to process. She's understandably terrified, and it shows in the frantic, fast-paced apologies. Some more reflection on how she's probably about to die would work well.
The moment in particular I'm talking about is when Sayuki refuses to apologize for interfering with the Waiters. When Sayuki enters the kitchen, she's looking for any lifeline she can find to escape punishment. Literally one line before the Chef asks for an apology, she is frozen with terror. It reads like there was the possibility that the Chef would let her off the hook with an apology, and then she immediately changes from horrified and desperate to defiant (though still scared, understandably). The problem isn't that she says no so much as she doesn't even consider saying yes.
There's no relief at the slightest hope of not being punished if she just gives in. There's no indication of any temptation to just get out of the situation, damn ethics and damn the dead. Unless there's backstory that has yet to be revealed, this is almost certainly the first time Sayuki has been but in a direct life-or-death decision based solely on whether or not she follows her beliefs. It's easy to say that one would immediately stand up for what the believe in, but it's much harder to do when push comes to shove. Some inner struggle or reflection is both more realistic and much more interesting to read.
On a less important note, some buildup to the reveal of the Chef's punishment would have been great. To me, one of the biggest parts of horror is the buildup. It gives the imagination time to think of all sorts of terrible things that are almost certainly going to be just as bad or even worse than what actually happens. Imagine if the Chef walks into a side room for just a minute. Sayuki hears rattling noises, a few crashes (or worse a few squishes). What's he doing in there? He already has the knife, he can't be getting another weapon... it must be something worse than a weapon! Is he going to kill her, or worse? And then the Chef comes out, slowly, carrying a simple covered dish. The anticipation can be just as scary as the actual reveal. Drag it out, give the reader time to really dwell on what's happening and what's going to happen.
Anyway, as a student with four months to go until graduation, personal servants, and President on top of that, Claire looks like someone who should not be trifled with, and definitely someone who isn't used to taking no for an answer. Looking forward to this coming conversation.
| voidscorpenomega 7/18/12 . chapter 3
I love this story. It has a great creepy feel to it.
| Windfox 7/13/12 . chapter 2
The scene in the cafeteria works very well. I'm still reeling over the awesome idea of a weekly poisoned dish and then boom Mark is scum. A quick description early in the scene of some of the students would have been nice. They're mentioned, but I would have liked to have gotten a few passing details on some of the more immediately noticeable details before Sayuki begins talking to the waiter.
Think I might have spotted a problem though. Mark claims that Sayuki is the only student who has entered the school in the past year, and this is semi-confirmed by the student council announcement. But Mark also says that he was accepted five months ago. Perhaps a student that was trying to offer Sayuki up as bait isn't the most trust worthy source of information. Even so it seems a bit odd that Sayuki would be the only First Year.
One of the groups I'm interested in seeing is the Student Council, and finding why they have such a large advantage. It can't be all that large though, their Third Years are dropping off just like everyone else's. Ah, maybe they can set some of the minor rules of the school, or cut class without worrying about Detention?
Last thing, apologies for writing Sayuki as Sayuka in my previous review. Honestly have no idea how that happened.
| dragonwarz 7/13/12 . chapter 1
I'm currently reviewing while offline right now. If you want to respond to this interview just search my name on the list of members.
This is insane. It's pretty much in the horror and psycho genre. If I remember correctly this isn't the first of it's kind. But it makes you want to read through it until the end and hope she survives. I hope that no characters in this fic will be given any plot armor whatsoever except of course the main character.
You should also post this on to get better and more frequent (sometimes only if this is a really good fic) reviews
| Brett 7/11/12 . chapter 1
Glad I'm not at that school...can there only be one graduate or something? Since they fight to the death... Or are they just soooo crazy , they kill for no apparent reason? I like it anyways.
| Windfox 7/11/12 . chapter 1
Reminds me a bit of Dangan Ronpa, sans murder mysteries. I'm always up for "shove a bunch of kids in a closed circle and watch em lose it". I don't believe it's explicitly stated anywhere, but I'm assuming that the Graduating class will have a size of just one. I'm curious to see the extracurricular activities that will be used to thin out the numbers, there must be enough kids smart enough to avoid Detention to make them necessary.
I like the idea of students being summoned partway through the game. Can't imagine things started like this, and the student council president mentioned she'd been there for at least a year. Hoping we get some backstory on this place, specifically on how everything started going to hell once people started killing each other. Sayuka and anyone who comes after have to live for less time, but Sayuka could be a very lucky case in terms of new arrivals. Or unlucky I suppose, it's still unclear how often students are brought in and it since the president said, again, that she hasn't used the PA system for a year it's a bit of a question why she bothered with this particular case.
The only thing that didn't ring true for me here was Sayuki immediately being wary of Yuka. The whole "main character trusting first normal-looking person who's just as dangerous" thing is a trope for a reason, it just really conveys that "Trust no one" feel. Is Sayuki just genre savvy or are there some pre-existing trust issues? We'll see I suppose.
I'm hoping we get to see plenty of different visions of what students will be doing Post-Graduation. The question of "Now what?" after gaining enough power to do anything has always been one I'm deeply interested in. It's always nice to get some new perspective on it.