Would love more of this story - on any site.

This story is really great so far! Please continue!

I just adore you stories so much, especially the characters. I hope you can upload soon because I'm always eager when it comes to your stories. (:

I'm interested in more. :) I know there needs to be a villian, but Linedain is super creepy and I hope he doesn't take his affection too far.

Linedain sounds like a right ass (as in the donkey). Our hero(?) has quite the ego himself. I like Nonde's sense of humor and way of getting back at his friend. I wonder what will happen next.

Linedain is a brilliant character! I know I'd hate him in real life, but in fiction I love him. I love how bigheaded he is, and how he assumes Val just isn't aware of his advances! Please write more!

Though I like all your stories to date and probably favourited most of them in the past, this is my first time reviewing. Sorry about that. English is my second language so it takes a bit more time and effort for me to review a story compared to your average English-speaking reviewer. Thus I don't usually review: this is my first ever review on fictionpress, in fact, so please forgive me? for not reviewing all this time? since I've made an exception for you?

Anyways, I'm enjoying the story so far and I'd very much like to see what happens next, and I like it that your chapters are satisfyingly lengthy, as always. I hope to see some action (as in millitary action) soonish, and hopefully some more father/son fluff as well: I've got a weakness for the adorable brat/overprotective dad trope, which might have been what I liked best about Power and Finesse, come to think about it.

As for the beginning of the story, I haven't read the old version so I can't say for sure it's better this way, but I think a bit of shuffling always help holding a reader's interest, as it requires more concentration on the reader's part compared to a completely linear manner of storytelling. The transition was smooth and timeline comprehensive, I had no trouble following the order of events, so I guess the rewrite was a success? And I'm glad you decided to post it!

So i was looking for a new story and decided to check out your other works. I like them, but specially this one, please continue it, pleaaaaase. I love how even though you only wrote a couple of chapters all your chapters are long! It makes me so happy. Please update! When i finally remember my password and log in this is definately going in my favs

Ok well I tried. Tried and tried not to peek, because I knew i'd have to review, and I can't deny that I am one of the fans who would try to keep you focused on JOOR at all costs.

And then I gave in and had a look, and if I squinted hard enough then I was dealing with a mercenary Terence and a slightly less precocious Kieran, who was delightfully heavy on the cheek ;)

And then I started to appreciate the characters on their own merit. I adore Val a bit too much already, and I love his awkward situation. I love how much he is a free spirit, but the gentle reining in with the admiration and affection for his dad. I love the sexual and non-sexual tension with Nonde's new recruit ;)

You know which one I wanna see updated next, but this is on route to being my second-favourite story across the whole website! :D

Luv H xx

I think this is a great start! I like all the relationships, and I love how cheeky Val is. Feel like this could build up to an epic!

I guess I hope something like a war comes along and somehow maybe Adriel and Valerian end up lost or captured or something and this changes Linedain's personality to be a little more humble maybe? It's nice, though, to see someone who shows a different side in Valerian, where he's kind of forced to do things that are uncomfortable to him.

I'm glad Adriel's not afraid of setting someone like Linedain straight; it's what I like about him. I can't wait to see more of him in the chapters to come. :)

What I like about this is I really don't know who is going to do what. There's a lot roiling around in here. If you're enjoying wtriting it, do continue!

Well, I missed this first time round, and I like it. There is a _potential_ issue with the omnisicent POV - it's a bit harder than a tight third - but it works here: it's always pretty clear whose head we're in. So keep that up and I think you'll have a successful story!

I like this so far. My favorite characters are Valerian, Salathel, and Adriel; my guess is that Nonde might actually love Valerian, which is why he is so willing to risk what he did for him. That, or he is just really a great friend. :)

I can't wait to see where this goes. :)

Hey it's a really interesting opener.. I don't think I read the first draft, so I don't know just how you've changed it... I think jumping from the river to the battle to the river was a bit frustrating for me - I'd have liked it chronologically - but I understand why you put the scene with the awesome dialogue and swift action at the start, and it did hook me in!

Still a little confused about the worldbuilding, though I know it would be explained in further chapters. I like all the characters so far. Valerian might get a bit too bratty, it's hard to tell at this early stage, but he was cute too :)

So I'd really like to read more of this, but not at the expense of Just Out Of Reach. I know this story is just at the start, so maybe I'm unfair, but JustOOReach is just perfect, and my favourite by a mile, and I just care about Kieran and Terence too much!

I nearly didn't review this, because I'm scared you'd get excited over this story and dump JustOOReach for it, but I didn't want you to feel negative about your writing again. I like all your details by the way, it makes things seem more real, and I think defines you as a writer! I made this long so it would cheer you up!

Lixie :)