|Reviews for Snapped|
| S.A 10/24/12 . chapter 7
UPDATE soon! :)
| Luckycool9 8/17/12 . chapter 6
Epic! I want more!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 8/10/12 . chapter 6
This is dark and creepy and really gory - but I cannot stop reading it. I usually am not into super gory things, but this is so well written that I just want to read the rest of it. I hope you post again soon.
In this chapter i didn't find any grammar or spelling issues, so well done. I think that when there are no mistakes, it makes the reader feel like the author really takes their time and tries to make their story the best they can make it.
I understand that Shadow wants her victims to suffer, seeing as I watch Criminal Minds, and she doesn't suffer any symptoms as of right now. I'm taking that as she's just running on adrenaline, but when that runs out she'll crash and wonder what she's doing with her life. Then maybe the shadows that she controls will almost make her continue killing people.
I really like this, though, so POST SOON! :D
And remember, This review was brought to you by The Review Game's Review Marathon. If you'd like to check out The Review Game, there's a link on my profile that will take you there(:
| LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE62 8/10/12 . chapter 6
i really like this and still don't mind the gory stuff. when people died in this chapter i laughed. i love reading things when people die!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 8/10/12 . chapter 4
["I don't know why. That's why we're looking."] - Take out the first 'why'.
That's all I caught this time(:
What I liked:
I like how the tone of this is dark and scary. My heart was literally beating faster than normal, you're a good writer and you know how to make things dark and creepy. That's a compliment, in my eyes.
Again, with the hook! I cannot stop reading this!
Your grammar and spelling is flawless as far as I can tell.
Keep it up.
| LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE62 8/10/12 . chapter 4
still gory but i like it! i will defiantly keep reading it! no matter what happens i will not stop! me and my friend are reading it together and are both reviewing! LOVE IT! KEEP WRITING!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 8/10/12 . chapter 3
[I sat him down in the chair and tied his legs to the chair legs] - this was wordy and awkward to read...I would change it up a bit.
[seeing him visible shiver.] - 'visible' should be 'visibly'
What I liked:
[His eyes widened fearfully and I grinned, letting go of his hair and patting his cheek as I stood up to my full height.] - I liked this sentence, it made me think that this girl is insane. She is, obviously, she's killing everyone.
I liked the hook you had at the end, once again. If you keep doing this, people will just keep coming back for more - like me.
Keep it up.
| LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE62 8/10/12 . chapter 3
ok i still like it and now i know the head cheerleaders name. i really like it keep writing!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 8/10/12 . chapter 2
Here are some suggestions:
[My bare feet pattered across the carpet softly and then a little loudly when they touched the cool tiles of the bathroom floor.] - 'loudly' should be 'louder'
[I replied and stabbed my form into my pancakes,] - did you mean 'fork'?
[The morning went by usual,] - it should 'as usual'
The good things:
I really liked how natural the dialogue flowed. It seemed realistic and not too exaggerated. Only I'd hate to think someone could be as mean as Jarrod and his friends :(
You also managed to hook me on at the end by giving a slight foreshadow that makes me think she's going to kill Jarrod. You're quite good at hooking your readers onto the stories, so well done there.
I really like this and I plan to keep reading this(:
| LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE62 8/10/12 . chapter 2
once again your really good with details, i really like this story and will keep reading it. i didn't really like how you didn't say the head cheerleaders name. like say her name was Lilly you could have said "Aw look! The freak is crying!" Lilly the head cheerleader stood up. over all i really like it.
| LIVE-LAUGH-LOVE62 8/10/12 . chapter 1
i like this story a lot! i liked how you used a lot of detail, i'm usually into gory stuff but the way you explained it just made me have to read more! like i said before i like it a lot!
| The Inevitable Truth Of Me 8/10/12 . chapter 1
[She suddenly tripped over a large tree root and fell, collapsing on the cold grass.] - I feel like you could drop the word 'suddenly' and that would make it flow better. (Just a suggestion.)
Besides from that, no other strange wording popped out at me. This was well written. It was very dark, however, but that's likable. I like morbid and creepy things like this. You definitely managed to set a tone for this story.
And your hook at the end, as well as the beginning, are very strong and it gives your reader the urgency to hold on. I am assuming this character is male, but it is unclear in this prologue. However, I am off to the next chapter to read more.
This review was brought to you by The Review Game's Review Marathon. If you'd like to check out The Review Game, there's a link on my profile that will take you there(:
| E.M.O unknown 7/23/12 . chapter 6
I found this very interesting to read. I was also highly amused the entire time. Have you thought about writing a sequel? Please, I love this so much. You did a great job.
| Stabheart 7/21/12 . chapter 4
How has she built these booby traps and contraptions? How did she get into what was a crime scene with all the junk she built them out of without anybody realising? This is almost like a Saw parody, but to pull that off it needs an awful lot of work.
Also, for someone with PTSD she doesn't seem to have many symptoms...you'd think all the killing she was doing would trigger awful flashbacks, not giddy unrealistic joy. As a character she really doesn't make much sense. Is she a psychopath? Bear in mind that psychopaths actually don't care about other people, so that doesn't really work either in your story. Perhaps do some more research before you write any more.
| Stabheart 7/21/12 . chapter 3
Your chapters are very short and rather lacking in detail; with a bit of fleshing-out they'd naturally become longer. You skip on a lot of description, which undermines your writing.
Why not spend time describing your other characters? It's almost as if you assume that we know what Miss Heartily, Chief Forster and Beth look like...the truth is, we have no idea. Characters won't seem convincing until you put more into telling us about them, not just their looks but an idea of what they're like as people...and I don't mean any stereotypical 'popular girl' description or 'slut-shaming', I mean genuinely put effort into them.