|Reviews for Apprenticed|
| Nathaniel 2/13/13 . chapter 22
The storyline is soo good, I read the whole 22 chapters in one sitting. Please write more. And soon.
| Aura-Sama 2/9/13 . chapter 22
I miss reading Apprenticed every week, please update soon.
| Love in All Forms 12/15/12 . chapter 22
LoL well hope you have a Happy nEw Year and Happy Holiday. Hope the updates don't become shorter but if they are I wil still be R R
| GermanSam 12/15/12 . chapter 22
I honestly don’t want to review. But then I found myself reading the first sentence and I thought to myself “damn it, here I go”.
So here I am. So let me get to this so I can get to bed and not sleep.
And no you cannot wrap this up in four chapters. That is not allowed. You can go on hiatus if you need to. I did that. It isn’t great but it’s a better option than quitting the story before it’s done. So think about it.
Now onto relevant things.
Now this explains more of the porch concept. She’s not in the middle of the forest anymore. Instead she’s back in the house that some possible murder and for sure kidnapper can get into. Smart. Yeah, that’s great. Good going Cayden.
Thought Jackson was outside of the door talking to Cayden so I got quite confused for a few moments there.
Nice poker comment. I knew were that was going. It’s weird to think that in this crazy world you have, poker still exists.
You’re not good at planning either. It only makes sense that your characters are the same in that way.
This seems to be a common problem with your characters. They always go after the thing they are going after (or person in this case) and never plan what to do once they get there. Pretty sure the-main-character-in-a-story-line-that-you-hate-t hat-shall-not-be-mentioned did that many many times.
Is her arm and stomach not bandage? I imagine that would make moving more difficult for her. Especially the stomach bit.
I just see rows of paragraphs. This was so NaNo.
Is Cayden just not concerned for her? Because he’s in love with her and should be concerned! Why isn’t he here? HUH?!
Ew. All of it is just ew.
Not even an “How are you?” or an “Are you doing alright?” just kind of “Alright, let’s go.” Classy. He will win her heart yet!
Cayden doing some flying. Nice. That was going to come in somewhere. Don’ know how he’s going to be discrete that way but whatever.
Where is Fay? Just hanging back? Because she wasn’t even mentioned here…
I want a book like that for when I lose things like my keys or phone or remote or to find my car in a packed parking lot. Yeah. For any of that would be great.
How does he talk as a dragon? Like as a dragon or does he shift or does Jackson communicate with him or something weird? I don’t know if that was addressed and somehow a talking dragon just doesn’t fit in with this story. It feels kind of cartoony. But at the same time, stranger things have happened here so I wouldn’t question it.
“equestrian company” Fancy, aren’t you?
…would he… would he fit in a sleeping bag? I feel like he would break it…
Yes, yes, look at all that plot. Don’t you dare just dismiss it all in one big battle and then have it be over! Don’t do it! You’re better than that! Go for the hiatus option! It would be better than wrapping everything up so soon! So… don’t do that! There feels like a lot more to come not just four chapters and end! You can’t have this big build up for nothing!
Alright, so this review is not that impressive. I hope there is a laugh or two somewhere in here. This chapter, while entertaining and full of detail, was not very comment-ful. Still want to know about Fay though. Does she exist still?
Update soon… or don’t because you’re running out of pre-written chapters! Take your time. Don’t end this so soon! DON’T DO IT!
And it’s 3 in the morning now. I suppose it’s time for bed! Goodnight!
Word count: 635
| GermanSam 12/11/12 . chapter 21
I’m doing this and I’m not procrastinating if you can believe it! I actually have nothing better to do than review. Wow, that sounds awful but you know what I mean. So it’s time for me to catch up with this stuff so I can move on to actually looking at history which I won’t do. I’ll probably play Sims it’s just… if I do that then next thing I know it’ll be five am and I don’t want that…but I still might play some. Maybe while you’re at Gammage with Jess watching Adam’s Family.
So let me get to this then so I can get to your other story and etc.
Yeah, your title got cut off. What a mouthful!
I just realized! You said that Melinda would be gone for like give or take four chapters. She would “not be gone as long as Oppa”. Well…liar! She’ll be gone for four chapters. You update once a week! She’ll be gone for a month. Just. Like. Oppa! Ha! (Avatar reference for when you look back and read this crazy nonsense.)
I’m not Mason’s biggest fan (except when he’s talked about and is in the chapter and is with Amber and is being all around adorable…) when Cayden is in the room, but I never thought he would have something to do with Melinda’s disappearance. I actually forgot her name for a few minutes and just sat here thinking about it. I wanted to call her “Melissa”. And on that note! You have a girl character with an “M” name! Like yours! So ha!
Holy bejesus! I scrolled and just see big paragraphs at the end of this. Awesome. Words.
Back to my original point here, Mason was the last one in the house but I had assumed that he had been taken along with Melinda. I never thought he would just run away from the scene of the crime. He might not care for Cayden but he likes Melinda… or I guess not if he had something to do with it. Whatever. I figured he was kind of shady.
“A yes would’ve sufficed”. I like it. She’s sassy even if it’s just in her mind.
My instincts tell me he’s innocent although I wouldn’t be opposed to having a reason to dislike him. But, he just doesn’t seem like the type to do anything crazy to Melinda. She raised him and stuff.
AW! Cayden and Amber are opposites! They complete one another! Their soul mates! I’ve dabbled a bit with Cupid so I would know!
And I’m at the paragraphs. Sigh… he we go!
Warlock just sounds like a bad word to me. Like a negative word not a curse word. :P
Wicked. Lulz. We saw that together. It was awesome. That was back when we were doing “roommate practice” and now, here we are!
Oh hey! Look it’s the chapter that explains their relationship! You lied about it being soon. Liar!
Jess came in and I got distracted by Tumblr… but I’m back now! Focus!
Damnit, I went to go play Fix-It Felix Jr. Sigh. Back to reading. I can’t focus.
Aw, you know punching is totally romantic even if it’s to someone else’s face. Dreamy sigh…
I think I would pee my pants in that situation. At least Cayden can still talk.
Can he see in the dark because of his eyes? Because that would be cool!
I don’t like Delilah. I don’t trust her because she doesn’t like Cayden. So… she’s not cool anymore. And also, you described her as having a baby face so now she’s like eight in my brain and it’s weird.
Well crap just goes down from Amber. Happy freaking family reunion, here’s a bow to the shoulder and the stomach.
A family disowning her… I wouldn’t know anything about that. All the best people get disowned.
Well that was not a very good cliffhanger because she got shot twice and they are in the middle of a fight and what the hell? Her family was a bit random but you still find a way to make it sad. You sad little person you. Stop it.
Only wait! Because I’ve got to review your other story and you can wait for you know, a few days. Let me chill out and then you can update again. But here’s one review. I’ll work on the other story and you’ll probably read it after the Adam’s Family. I’ll be nice and post this now so you can get a taste and be all happy and giddy.
Word count: 767
| Aura-Sama 12/8/12 . chapter 21
Yayyy! Apprenticed saturday, and The Housemates! Double yayyy!
| PotterNinja 12/8/12 . chapter 21
Update! Soon! Like, right now! Have you not loaded another chapter yet? Why not? You should put another chapter up. This story is so amazing, that you should definitely put up a new chapter. I don't see a new chapter. You should indefinably put up another chapter. SOON!
| GermanSam 12/8/12 . chapter 20
Alright, let’s see what I can do here. It’s 1:30 AM and I want to review both stories but my computer is being poop and my brain is not doing much better. I want to be done with both reviews in an hour but well… we’ll see how it goes. And we’re experiencing Marina and the Diamonds. A little different than our normal One Direction adorable so we’ll also be seeing how that goes. You’re having fun with the little Stiles and Derricks that are overtaking your desktop. (I keep wanting to save this, stupid English essay and me being all paranoid. I’m just going to save this so I can just deal with it. Plus if I get exhausted, I can come back to it later. OMG SIMS TOMORROW!) Ahem, lots of randomness. Let’s see what reading I have ahead of me.
Apprenticed. I like to start with this one not because I think Housemates is better but I find it less serious which is weird considering that they are fairly series but you know, they aren’t at the same time. It’s weird. But Apprenticed is better to do first in my opinion.
OH NO! They are all having dinner together. Nothing good ever comes from group meals. That might be in your other story but I believe it applies here too!
Yeah, I’ll finish this then go to bed. Because it’s already 2:19 AM. But I have four little critters all around my screen! They are all cute and stuff! :D
Pasta! Lupes’s favorite meal! Melinda would have won over.
She can curse! I can do that, I just choose not to. Har har.
Holy crap Fay’s there! Nice of her to drop by after like forever.
I read “go with me” as “go out with me” and that just turned it into a very weird conversation.
Yay for nice unicorns. Those are always nice… in a not puny sort of way.
Backstory for the unicorns? I dig it. I ship it.
I can tell this was NaNo. My characters only talk to their pets during NaNo when I need more mindless words on the page.
Door wide open. NEVER A GOOD SIGN. Someone’s dead. I hope it’s Mason. Just so he can stop getting in the way of the romance. I know that’s happening! Weather you know it or not.
Open door plus blood. Don’t freak out or anything Amber. This is probably normal! Seriously? Why is she not freaking out yet?! She said it so casually. Like “oh and there was blood over here and stuff, no biggie.”
On that note: I spy plot!
Calling out someone’s name? What if the killer had been in the house still? Has she never seen a scary movie ever?
Being alone would be terrifying. Especially since everyone was just at breakfast. Not good. Go back to the unicorns! They would protect you!
Housemates. Ha. Not “ha” that they are all gone because that is a bit worrisome but “ha” at the use of that word in this story.
This just took a very sad turn. What the hell? It better be a dream! This is kind of what happened to her parents (except that was worst because she like saw that happen and crap but you know what I mean). Still, that just kind of completely sucks for her.
Well Jesus. Let’s just talk the worst things that can happen in life and pile them all onto this thirteen year old girl. And if that’s not bad enough, I’m going to make a living hell out of a nice character who may or may not be gay from another story because I am an awful human being who hates my characters.
That’s what you say in the mirror every morning. I’m convinced.
Great, she’s concerned just about Melinda and Mason… I guess they were the only ones in the house but still, I think I’d want to find someone to help. Or go hang out with the scary unicorns. They’d probably protect her!
OH! And on that note, I forgot to mentions BABY UNICORNS! Make it happen.
Cayden moment. Not really a great time for one but I’ll take what I can get.
He seems oddly calm too consider his mom is gone. He’s probably glad Mason’s out of the picture but that’s still his mom. And he’s just all like “Hey, whoa! Something’s different here… is that ketchup? What happened?” That’s what I felt like.
Yes because going to bed might be what you always want to do but I don’t think that’s really what Amber is thinking about right now. She just bawled her eyes out and Cayden basically two fingered tapped her before shoving her off to bed. He’s allowed to hug her! He’s not Richard! They can have physical contact!
Again: I spy plot! And adventure!
Somehow, if she really was as exhausted as it said, I don’t think leaving right away would be the best for her health in the long run. I mean, I know she wants to find her right away but she’s only going to have a slower reaction time and be even more tired and exhausted later. Not smart girly!
Cayden and Amber off on a worldwide adventure! Right? That’s how it’ll go. That’s how they’ll connect. That’s how they’ll fall in love and be all cute and stuff? Right? RIGHT? Right! Right. That’s happening. Make it happen.
She doesn’t need a unicorn when she has a FREAKING DRAGON right in front of her.
And of course he would come with her. Did she really think he was going to just let her walk out without him? Silly girl. She has not watched enough movies in her day!
Guys and bareback. I cannot imagine the pain.
So… they can’t just ride him? (Oh, that sounded oddly sexual but you know what I mean) Why not? Save the unicorn too?
And now that they are taking Jill, don’t bring in babies. That will be bad if that’s what happens in the middle of a big fight and they need her to escape. The unicorn would just go into labor and it would be all wrong! So don’t do that one. I take it back.
You are pretty terrible but who didn’t know that before. Sigh. You and your interestingness. If you didn’t make your stories so damn good, then I wouldn’t be so into them. Thanks. Thanks for ruining my life.
And no NaNo cheer because that’s all over with! AND WE WON! Ahem… yes. We won.
Now, you’re probably passed out and I want to be there myself so I’ll cut this shorter than usual. There is probably a lot I want to say but I don’t remember. I’ll review the other story tomorrow hopefully before you get up so I can be ready for you next two updates that will drown me. Sigh.
See you tomorrow! Enjoy the review! Enjoy Sims! Don’t do homework, it’s overrated! And Good Morning(or more likely Good Afternoon for you)!
It is now 3 AM. Sigh…
Update not too soon.
Word count: 1197
P.S. These computer pet things (shimeji) are adorable!
| GermanSam 11/27/12 . chapter 19
Okay, so I don’t have any NaNo to work on, though I’ll probably work on a craptastic story just to get words out so I can finish NaNo because gosh damnit, I’m determined. And since reviews now count, this will mostly likely be lengthy. Not that that’s bad, I’m just letting you know.
So let’s get this thing started so I can get back to actual crap writing. Oh no! I have to do my queue and I want to sleep and shower and AGH! I just want to do everything… I’ll probably take a shower after this then and then work on NaNo before doing my queue or maybe a combination? I don’t know. God, I hate having a Tumblr sometimes. Sigh.
Right. Story. You write stuff.
And I’m on Tumblr. GAH!
Okay. Story. Housemates. Supernatural people. Right. Your story. You do that.
And now I’m watching Wheel of Fortune. I just give up with trying to pay attention.
Sigh. At least I’ve opened your chapter. I’ve gotten hat far. Okay. Let me maybe even just read the title. That would be a good start.
AW! This is Apprentice. I just got sad. Because you’re excited for the next chapter. But that means I have two stories to review and damnit I was not prepared for that. It’s nice because more word count for me but it’s stupid because agh! Time and stuff. I don’t have a lot of that, you know?
Right, okay, Apprenticed. C and M and A and those people (I refer to them by letter in laziness and because I’ve momentarily forgotten their names but I got it now).
Potions. Cooking. Nice connection.
Finally being a human has a drawback. I still say there has to be something more powerful than magic. In this world, it just seems like Amber can do whatever the hell she wants to without any precautions.
Cayden is going to teach her how to shoot. *insert soft romantic music as the couple begins to be all cute and couply* Yeah.
Is it weird that you’re editing your NaNo from last year while writing a NaNo-ish thing right now? It sounds like it would be weird but then again, I finished my NaNo from last year during NaNo this year. It’s all weird…
I spy “writing what you know” stuff with all this archery. Point for archery club.
“arms wrapped around her”
So. Freaking. Cute.
I. Just. Can’t.
Is this going to be an Avatar thing? Is she going to do this once with Cayden and then just suddenly be able to do it? Don’t pull an Avatar!
Who is this he? I assume Jackson but I’m like three questions in and it’s still only “he”. So… yeah.
Yeah, so by eliminating everyone he said, he must be Jackson. Thanks for the clarification!
Oh and Fay! She’s still around? I tend to forget. She’s like the Sugar of this book. She just pops in when a story line forms around her which I assume won’t be anytime soon. You seem to have too many characters but then again, this was NaNo last year so I understand you leaving stuff out.
But still. She’s around… just not.
I just came to the conclusion that doing reviews is ten times as fun as writing chapters. Just saying.
Melinda understands? Great. Because I would like to know why Cayden doesn’t like Mason. Has that been addressed? Wasn’t it supposed to be addressed like forever ago? Was it? I don’t remember.
Well, that just took a turn for the sad.
And not it just took a turn for the weird. Time for backstory!
Pretty sure you still haven’t said Jackson’s name even if we know it’s him. It’s always just “he”.
This other witch that also faked his death… he doesn’t seem like a good guy. He’s probably still alive I assume. Is he relevant?
Yeah, see, he’s not nice it seems.
Never having time. Aang didn’t have the time. He still did it. So ha! Amber will too because it’s your story and that will happen.
Aw! She loooovvveeesss Jack. I know it! She does! Why don’t they just make out. They both are old and stuff and it’ll be weird but cute at the same time. Also Fay should come back. Yep. That should happen. I feel like she didn’t get much character development.
HEY! At this point your essay is done! So, yay! Next is our stupid super long English essay. I’m not looking forward to that. But yeah.
Now to work on NaNo.
1 2 3
Help solve your OCD.
E F G
Writing crap is the key!
Uno Dos Tres!
Keep your head up in this race!
Pear, Apple, Orange!
Keep writing those words and oh…shit
You may be surprised but I wrote that myself. Yep. Be impressed. I’ll probably get it work shopped before Poetry is over and everyone will love it. You’ll see! You’ll all see! Muhahahaha!
Ahem. I’m done now.
Okay. Get back to writing. I’ll go review your other story and then post them at the same time. It’s not that I have any doubt that you don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just saying. I’ll just post them so you have two great things to read at once! Yay! Okay. Moving on.
Word count here: 905. Very Nice.
| Binkybaby 11/18/12 . chapter 18
| GermanSam 11/17/12 . chapter 18
I decided that I’m going to be evil. You’re supposed to be waking up because we’ll be going to dinner in half an hour with Lupes (meaning I have half an hour to get this done). So I’m going to wait to post my first review until I can post this one as well. Yep. And if you ask if I’m working on a review because I’m typing so fast, I’m going to lie and say that I’m working on NaNo. Yep. Muhahhahaha!
Still listening to One Direction because THEY’RE AWESOME. Ahem. Let me get to this now.
Well my dad called so now I have even less time to do this. I probably won’t get this done now because he just goes on and on and on and on. Yeah… Sigh…
And why is Lesson Four back to back with Lesson Three? Tsk tsk.
(Kidding because you pointed this out to be earlier.)
4:40 and you’re still in bed.
I woke you up ten minutes ago.
We are going to go eat in 20.
FOCAS SAM! READ!
Right! On that.
Does Fay just like not exist anymore? She’s almost never mentioned. That is this in this story right?
I love the soda analogy. Clever.
Oh and the archery thing? Perfect time to get some feelings in there. Because guys always help girls with archery and it’s always all intimate and stuff. Yep. Do that. I suggest it.
Sneaking in Jackson’s backstory. Sneaky. I see what you did there.
4:45. Still no Mariah awake. Really?
Why Jackson said “you brought the girl here” I thought he meant Tori. And I was so confused. But I got it now.
Also. They are really old. Like /REALLY/ old.
A bunch of supernaturals brought together in an old house because they all have something to hide or escape from. Hm… now why does that sound familiar?
God Jackson and Melinda have history. JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!
Why is it ‘breakfast’? Why the quotes? So many questions!
4:50. C’mon, man!
So many details. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Now you’re halfway getting up at 4:53. Yeah. Sad.
I’m not done with this chapter. So you’ll have to wait until after dinner to get both of these reviews which isn’t as fun as having them done and ready for you to read once we get back from dinner. Sigh. Oh well. I tried. It’s the thought that counts and all that jazz.
I shall come back after dinner then…
So it’s 5:57. Almost an hour later since I left this. And what did we do? [Not] Invite Lupita over because you felt all bad and stuff. Talk about dating our parents and family members. Talk about waxing and leg hair. Good times!
And after a quick Tumblr break, I’m back to this.
Premonitions? Well that’s new. It would’ve been funnier if Amber had them before Melinda told her. It would’ve completely freaked her out and that sounds hilarious. God, I’m becoming an awful person like you!
It’s quite hard to be sneaky when you’re sitting like /right/ there. But I’m going to keep trying…
And I reiterate: YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR CHARACTERS! She’s all honest and blunt which you are. It’s all just so… you.
Curses. Uh-huh. So where is “avada kedavra” and all those other mean things going to come into play.
I feel like magic really is limitless which isn’t… good. Because nothing is really limitless. Something has to be stronger than something else. Blood bending! Something had to beat it. The Avatar State. That was it. (Yes, this nerd moment was brought to you by me and the letter Ɵ theta.)
Slant rhyme. Psh. Of course she would notice that because you would do that and you would notice that Miss I-like-rhyming-especially-slant-rhyming.
Alright. Yay, she can kill things and people now. How awesome for her.
Yeah, Lupes came over and I’ve been talking to you and trying not to hint that this has been what I’ve been doing so now I’m done and it’s 6:30. Two hours after I started this. Sigh…
So yep. One Direction is still all adorable. This was a good chapter. Yay another reviewer! :D
I won’t announce that I reviewed but you’ll know because your email will tell you so, so here you go. Keep on writing and stuff! Go for NaNo! I believe in you!
Brrr! It’s cold in here!
Must be some word count in the atmosphere!
Brrr! It’s cold in here!
Must get your butt back on the computer and go do some word count.
Yep. How’s that for motivation?
Update soon! Or don’t it’s cool. Whatevs.
Word count: 780
| Love in All Forms 11/17/12 . chapter 18
I really did enjoy the jackson/melinda moment :)
| CaBlasch87 11/13/12 . chapter 17
| Binkybaby 11/13/12 . chapter 17
| GermanSam 11/10/12 . chapter 17
I scroll through this chapter and I just see a lot of big paragraphs. But if I don’t do this now, it’ll just bug me until I get it done. So here is my present to you: reviews! 2 of them! HAHAHA! I’m so good! (But I’ll be so tired, remember sleep? The one I married? Yeah, I’m cheating on him with you, feel loved).
So let’s get this thing going because I’m starting to get hungry and that’s a bad sign because then I’ll eat and be more awake and then never fall asleep. Still 1 AM here (almost 2 now) so excuse mistakes and blah. Okay… seriously now Brain! Focus!
I definitely noticed the author’s use of tossing out the explaining of the “danger” thing to smaller characters. (By small, I mean by size not importance.)
She needs more candles. Lulz
Okay, so you did this the year we had Spanish (or the year after we had Spanish… the time when you had your Spanish notebook on you!). Can you imagine your NaNo next year? Use ALL the Latin. Yep. I can see it now… *insert random letters that spell some word in Latin*
Yeah, big giant paragraph now. I made it through it but yeah, that was a lot especially when someone is tired… But anyway, I feel like this is very structured like Avatar. You have to learn this first, then this, then this, etc. Hexes and Charms just makes me think of the Sims though. You can hex people into changing into pajamas and weird things. It’s cute.
One thing that just occurred. She needs more candles but then just conjures one up? Conjure a bunch up. Problem solved!
Random: “Some Nights” is stuck in my head.
Well… Amber will never be bored again. She’s got a ton of crap to do.
Ah, eavesdropping. Nothing more fun than finding out information that way.
I’m guessing we’re going to learn why Mason and Cayden have this issue going on with them.
Aw, cuteness but then he pulls the “feelings are irrelevant” card which made me actually laugh (as well as I can in a quiet room with everyone sleeping… including you at this point).
Of course she’s curious! They involve her! And she should love him too and stuff! So they can like live happily ever after together.
And the more people talk, the more I don’t like Mason. But I do once he’s back in the story. Goodness, you are quite a frustrating writer.
Who walks away from an eavesdropping conversation? In all the stories I’ve ever read with that happening, they always get caught before they walk away. Or they always finish listening at least! Geez, she might make an okay apprenticed but she is not cut out to be a spy.
Magic and love aren’t really that far off then. It happens when it happens. There is no reason for it other than it likes to play with your feelings and make you feel stupid. Or so my friends say. I would have no idea honestly.
I did enjoy the chapter even if you just gave us a taste of the romance you romance sucker you! Hopefully that will come into play later. Because I can’t imagine Amber wondering about Cayden’s feelings if she didn’t have any of her own. I see what you’re doing. And I like it.
Well I’ll see you early in the morning. In about six hours. It’s 2 AM now officially. Yay!
I’m going to go back to my fiancé, Sleep, and we’re going to blissfully be together for the next six hours if possible. Okay? Thanks.
Sorry this one isn’t as long as the other one. I hope it’s not a let down compared to the other one.
Still keep writing! STILL KEEP NANO-ING! I BELIEVE IN YOU! I DO! I DO!
What do we want?
When do we want them?
Before the end of the month!
Who’s going to do it?
FATE! FATE! FATE!
Yep. For every chapter you upload during November (and I review) I will add in a cheer to help you keep going. Sorry, they aren’t creative… it’s 2 AM.
Okay, I’m off to reunite with sleep! Adios! Hope you enjoyed! Update soon and al that jazz.
Word count: 731
(I would have NaNo done today if reviews counted…)