|Reviews for Drowning|
| inwardtransience 1/27/13 . chapter 1
[...and when my head started to enjoy the pain, nothing work.]
That should be worked
I don't really know what to say, because...well...that's pretty much how it is in my head every single minute of every single day. So...
| Complex Variable 1/15/13 . chapter 1
Your writing about anger in the first few paragraphs is compelling, but, it feels out of place. I mean, you're writing about the anger AS IT OCCURS, so, it feels odd to have such lucid insights into the nature of the progression of anger as an emotion at the same time. It's like "understanding" that you're afraid at the exact moment that you're quivering in your shoes, wanting to cover your eyes at the fearful sight.
Actually, I think if you just cut off the beginning and started at [When did I forsake myself?] this piece would have a more compelling hook to it; it feels less ponderous than the current opening.
[There really is no more complete amnesia quite like death.] - - - I think you could remove "more complete" from this sentence; it would make it even more potent.
[The sweet pain is filling my core again. It's agonizingly delicious as it slowly swirls in my chest creating pain and a sense of happiness. I could get used to it if it didn't leave such a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Almost like I was nauseous. Almost as if life is one big roller coaster that spins you until you turn green.] - - - This, and the rest of your ending made me start to choke up, I must admit. The ending of this piece is incredibly powerful, almost overwhelmingly so. There are several points near the end where I feel like I just want it to stop—not because it's bad, but because it's good. Because it conveys a savage palette of experience so well. But, I found myself compelled to reach the end.
I would recommend trying to shorten the ending somehow, just because it starts to get a teensy bit repetitive/over-extended near the end—but, once again, in a GOOD way. Like a drug that makes you see things that you don't want to see, but know you have to.
Very, very impressive, Ann. Wow. Just... wow. :O
| Josh 7/22/12 . chapter 1
Almost 2 years ago, my dads business partner just fired him out of the blue, my mom had quit her job because the business was supposed to make more money, both my parents were out of a job and we realized we were going to struggle, i was 11 when it happened and i always blamed myself, i can easily relate to this poem and to be completly honest, it has me in tears. Thank you so much for actually putting exactly how im feeling in words.