Dialogue tag sentences have a regular structure: "Look at Spike," Jane said. This is probably the most common construction, with what was said tied neatly up with who said it. Here, there is considerable confusion: "What am I supposed to do" hissed the voice belonging to Viktor Allan. -there needs to be a question mark between 'do' and the final quotation marks: "What am I supposed to do(QUESTION MARK)?" hissed the voice belonging to Viktor Allan.
This is a different problem: "It's not my fault she saw us!" even though he spoke quietly, he had a voice that always sounded like he was yelling. -Here you have a narrative sentence: even though he spoke quietly, he had a voice that always sounded like he was yelling. -jammed up against a bit of dialogue. This is not a dialogue tag sentence at all. Double space after the closing quotation marks and capitalize the separate narrative sentence: "It's not my fault she saw us!" Even though he spoke quietly, he had a voice that always sounded like he was yelling.
The confusion carries all the way to the end: "So where will I find my class?" He asked again & "If you're sure." he said as she began walking... . More correctly these two go like this: "So where will I find my class?" (NO CAPITAL LETTER)he asked again & "If you're sure(COMMA, NOT A PERIOD)," he said as she began walking...

As far as I have read I love it!

Hey! This story sounds pretty interesting. I love the details! You have just enough for each element of the situation you describe. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Steph135

At least she got rescued! That would have been horrible!

GameCube (Still works)
Starfox Assault - Have
Pikmin - Never heard of it
Ocarina of Time - Don't have, want to get
Super Smash Bros. - Have Super Smash Bros. Melee
Starfox Adventures - Have
Wii
Twilight Princess - Have
Metroid Prime - Have Metroid Prime 3 Corruption for Wii and the original GameCube versions for Metroid Prime and Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Metroid is my favourite Nintendo series)

XD I definitely know what a GameCube is!

Interesting, does he live forever?

(Too lazy to login) Yay, new chapter! Had to go back and reread though. Forgot Z was Xander's nickname. -_-"
Much better grammar/puncutation. I totally understand ya if you had computer issues and stuff! But hooray! And I can conpletely sympathize with the homework load. 3 days into school and I don't think I'm gonna survive till Friday. O_O I'm hoping some more action will play in soon and I HOPE THAT THE TWINS SHALL RETURN... I love hyper twin characters.

Interesting...

Interesting, if a little short. Just watch out for capital letters, you have missed a few. Also, but in some sort of devider if you are changing location. You went straight from the trial to being outside the school with no idicator

the person before me has a point :) really good story though two thumbs up

Excellent plot you have here! I'm excited to see what happens next. It would really help if you use correct grammar. You need to make sure you capitalize the first letter of the sentence, even if it's dialogue.
-
"what am I supposed to do" hissed the voice belonging to Viktor Allan. "it's not my fault she saw us!" even though he spoke quietly, he had a voice that always sounded like he was yelling.
-
"What am I supposed to do," hissed the voice belonging to Viktor Allan. "It's not my fault she saw us!" Even though he spoke quietly, he had a voice that always sounded like he was yelling.
-
Which is easier to read? The first or the second?
If you use correct captialization, it helps the reader focus on the actual story. Misspellings and typos distract the reader and make your story seem unprofessional.

I would recommend getting a beta if you need more help.