|Reviews for Judgements|
| Stuck-in-time 11/4/12 . chapter 1
this is heart touching. there are a lot of things the cristian church regects and i think thats wrong. tell me this if god exists as many believe then would he create something to be banned from his own church. if he truly intended for man to only love women would he have create the homosexual population? tell me this, if he exists how is it that, that girl has to live trough that hell? i'm not saying this is your gods fould nor am i ridiculing those believers. just tell me this. did jesus ever judge? did he ever ridicule? did he ever search for the evil or the wrong in a mans soul? from what my nan read to me from the bible when i was young, jesus treated people equally, giving those who did wrong a second chance, he saved the inocent and died for everyone not just who he though was 'normal'. i think that a lot of cristians should think about what their religion truly is about instead of being so damn steriotypical. those are my thoughts, and i hope they don't offend you. you realy have a gift.
| Stuffed Piggy 9/9/12 . chapter 1
I like this one, it shows different perspectives in each part, which is great. This story has a lot more presence than your earlier ones. It just needs to be cleaned up a bit, but it's an besides that it's an easy read. :)
| theonetrueblue 9/8/12 . chapter 1
Well, first of all, wasn't she being 'impudent'?
Five years old is old enough to not take food just because it's there, especially if no one else is taking it. If I saw a kid just randomly assaulting the food without being told, "Sure, you can eat." I'd probably raise my eyebrows and blink a bit as well. I'd probably nudge my friends and say, "Look at that kid."
More realistic than most of the other parts, I suppose, and the writing itself wasn't bad, but I don't find it easy at all to relate to this, and I imagine other people would as well.
This has certain elements that are realistic, such as the character feeling that he's a representation of all Christians, but really... I can't imagine any work place that would have all of the other workers, who are apparently atheists, treating someone like that just because of their faith.
I think you should play that angle up more, that he feels he has to be perfect and represent it like that. Sure, people might have been a bit cautious in the beginning, "Hmm... is a Christian, or a /Christian/?" But it becomes difficult to take this seriously when everyone ostracises him and apparently looks down upon him for his religion, because that isn't how real life works.
First of all, one minor thing that you might consider rephrasing, or just taking out:
"She remembers the prayers they'd say to her"
This makes it sound as though her parents prayed TO her. The sentence is fine as just:
"She remembers the prayers they'd say with her."
Too much. Just way. Too. Much.
Take just one or two elements. It's impossible to empathise with this level of angst.
Oh, she's an orphan. Oh, she's being molested by her caregiver. Oh, she's suicidal. Oh, the other children are picking on her. Oh look, they're spreading rumors. Oh look, they're beating her. Oh look, they're asking where her God is.
Bullied kid? Fine. Practically anyone can empathise.
Molested orphan? Sad, but beginning to border on the sort of thing that the majority of people can't understand.
Combining too many factors makes your readers completely indifferent to your character.
This was easily the best of the bunch, I must say, and I think it deals with an issue that's more relevant at the moment, (given current events,) than the others are.
"For the life of him, he does not know why they must change."
Found this bit a little clumsy.
Do you mean that he doesn't know why the Church changed?
Or was it a typo, and you meant, " For the life of him, he does not know why HE must change."
If you meant the Church, I would suggest rephrasing it so it's a little clearer.
"For the life of him, he does not know why they had to change." Is only a small change, but it makes it so much clearer.
The examples are all relatively extreme, and as a result it's difficult for anyone to relate to these stories, and so instead of getting your readers to empathise and sympathise with these situations and characters, you're just making me tilt my head slightly to the right, and get distracted, thinking about what kind of church you go to, if it's influenced you to think that way about judgemental Christians.
| Ophelia Schmit 9/7/12 . chapter 1
Being an atheist, I think that people shouldn't have my beliefs shoved down their throats. Yet this is how I feel about Christianity. I have somebody (a person whose name you do not need to know) thinks that being atheist is bad. I will go to hell when I die. That's why I was baptised. I never went to church, but this person believes in God. I don't. I don't care.
It was accurate, honestly. I LOVE you!
| Nayru Elric 8/16/12 . chapter 1
Man, that was depressing. TT
Whenever I'm feeling happy I always know to come to one of your stories to make me feel better. (brb SOBBING)
Great job, though! I could never write something like this if I tried! :D
| jesusfreakauthorgirl17 8/9/12 . chapter 1
Silence, you're making me sad! You need to find an ending for at least one of them! Or else I shall cry! (ok, i won't but still u get my point.)
| Anxious Axolotl 7/24/12 . chapter 1
Aww these were all so sad! Three was pretty morbid, I think the others were more relatable though. I liked the spin you put on part four; that even Christians (or any people I guess) can turn on their own for a superficial reason. I still think you should make a longer story from one of these, but it's a great skill to get a point across and have an impact in 200-300 words.