|Reviews for The McGillpatrick Legacy|
| cinta 5/10/13 . chapter 12
so far in these few chapters i've found it an interesting read, with fantastic character and plot development.
a few things to look out for:
- it would make much more sense to the reader if you used 'normal' english, rather than ye old english. historically i don't think they spoke as they wrote, and it can get confusing to the point of disengagement. no one would question you if the 'back-in-time' characters spoke normally (without the slang of today obviously).
- the use of old irish names and ideas helps with authenticity, but also adds slight confusion about pronunciation and meaning (and lets face it, i'm just going to lose my place if i'm constantly scrolling up and down). i wouldn't want you to lose that heritage in the story but perhaps there is a way of including the footnoting into the story, without using brackets or being overly obvious? it is definitely a tricky thing to work with. character observations or even story narrations that contain the information?
in any case i'm enjoying it so far and will continue on :) will let you know how it goes at the end ;)
| iheartgod175 4/20/13 . chapter 11
This story is absolutely amazing! I'm pretty much glued to the screen reading this. That tour guide sure is a jerk.
Awesome work, by the way!
-God bless, iheartgod175
| ShiftyObserver 3/23/13 . chapter 1
Commenting as I read.
"Aunt Honora couldn't understand her niece's shortage of enthusiasm for this moment." Unnecessary sentence. The dialogue established this.
"The woman had what Molly's father called a "'whoa is me' attitude", and seemed bound and determined that the world was out to cause her misery and make her suffer." "Woe," not "whoa." I like your description of Honora. It resembles the witty narrative of Lemony Snicket, and how he would go about describing characters.
"…the aunt ridged with excitement and the niece stiff with apprehension." Rigid, not ridged.
Wonderful chapter! I love the idea behind this story, and so I will continue to read it. Good luck and good writing!
| Buddhist Warrior 10/5/12 . chapter 6
There isn't a Celtic god of death named Druinn. Are you referring to Donn, the Dark One?
| SmilesAllAround 9/11/12 . chapter 1
wow! This is amazing!
| SchitzoPanda 9/8/12 . chapter 2
Beutifully crafted, poertry-esque, piece of work there. KEEP IT UP!