this is good so fsr but i do have so pointers. its kind of hard to tell who is talking because of how the paragraphs arranged. every time some one new speaks you need to start a new paragraph. i know this may seem a little mean but i really am trying to help you. if you make this little change it will make ten times easier to read.

Awesomesauce! Great job! :) I really like the way the story's going so far.