This review is for the Review Game's Review Marathon. Check us out; the link's in my profile!

Wow, what an action packed chapter. Again, the attention to detail you have is really stunning. I especially liked the sequence where you described the making of the weapon. I could really feel his excitement at helping to forge it.

My only qualm is that it seemed like quite a lot happened in one chapter. We're only a few thousand words into the story and already we have blood shed. I think that this story would be much more powerful if you slowed down a little and let the reader really get to know the surroundings and characters before having so much action take place - especially considering the great job you do at describing them.

Good job and keep it up!

This review is part of the Review Game's Review Marathon. Check us out; there's a link in my profile!

I think you have a great eye for attention to detail. That's not something I often find on here and I really appreciate it when I come across a writer who really takes the time to go through the chapter and give the characters and surroundings the attention they deserve. Great job on that!

I think the premise of you story is very interesting and I look forward to reading more. The only thing I have a bit of a problem with is all the information that is sort of thrown to me in the first chapter, for example all the names and foreign lands. I found myself having to reread through some of the passages to get things straight. While that is sometimes inevitable for ficticious lands and worlds, perhaps it would be better to leave some of the plot details and names for a later chapter? But that's just my opinion.

Overall a great start!