|Reviews for A Not So Fine and Private Place|
| recycledpaper 8/8/12 . chapter 1
It's hard to appreciate the rest of your poem after the first two (amazing) lines. I do like how you used the words "in mind" to describe his lack of memory. But the best part I think was when you described your personal difficulty with this interaction, as if you were trying to end it in order to preserve both of your intact memories, and to maintain some semblance of control in your lives. Great poem !
| SilenceInHonour 8/6/12 . chapter 1
I felt sad whilst reading this because with this type of illness there really is nothing you can do. Every line is thought about and strong, meaningful. It's all powerful, which is what some people (including me) lack: power in all of the poem, not just some of it.
| Pickingupthepieces 8/6/12 . chapter 1
This is good. I like how this flows and how the breaks in the verses add to the flow instead of stifling it.
I was a little confused with the first two lines. Is it 'My father cries to remember that he'd forgotten his children'? If so, the 'that' I added in isn't necessary but could possibly help the reader understand the poem better. Also, the 'had forgotten' should just be 'forgot'.
Or is it just a typo and did you actually mean 'he's' instead of 'he'd'? Then the 'h' should be in capitals. Or perhaps it's none of the above and I didn't understand the meaning. Could you explain?
Another minor error, perhaps, is in the last line. I think it should be 'over which'. But do you mean 'in which' in that in the future, none of us will have control? That's not really an error, I suppose, just something you might like to look over.
I really like the way you described the illness from the point of view of someone who has to deal with it indirectly. I love how you portray how the narrator is seemingly resigned to her fate.
On a side note: I don't know if you signified breaks by using the word itself out of necessity or because you actually wanted to do that, so if you did it because you thought it'd add to the flow of the poem, you can ignore the rest of this paragraph. Have you considered using line breaks? You can do that either using Word or the Doc Manager (Insert Horizontal Line). If that's not working, (it randomly stops working sometimes for me) you could consider using full stops, hyphens and such to separate the verses/stanzas/paragraphthings (I still don't know what to call them (: ).
Anyway, I really like this, so keep writing.