"I made them mine, you see."... something about the phrasing with this line just seems off.

I like the piece though. I think the concept of only having broken things is a really great one. I also like how you transitioned into it being about breaking someone in the future. The tone is great too. Just straightforward and matter of fact. Nice job.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).

what a lonely life. "you will come to me in pieces" is a beautiful line because it plays with the idea of free will. love this.