|Reviews for Hidden Worlds|
| KayMacD 12/20/12 . chapter 7
Normally I'd start singing to myself once the song started, but alas...when you're in public...
Still, the song was cool. She must have a pretty large range to sing Safe and Sound and Thousand Years. Because one is super high for pop and the other is too low for me to handle! But I guess stronger singers make stronger spells. :P
The diary was interesting. I'd like to see that in a different font than the rest of the chapter, but I realize that's not ideal on fictionpress. :) The content of the diaries was a bit mushy (it might need to be longer) but overall it was good and took us inside Igneous's head. Now I'm interested to see what happened to Katherine!
| KayMacD 12/2/12 . chapter 6
Woo-hoo! She's alive! :D
Excellent chapter. I think it was really, really good this time. I thought it was SO sweet how Yllana decided not to die. And the whole thing with Igneous really stirs up the romaticist in me. :D
And don't worry. I don't have any constructive criticisms this time. I think this one was perfect. :D
| KayMacD 10/20/12 . chapter 5
A couple things that are interesting about this chapter, both good and bad.
First thing I should probably say: DID SHE JUST DIE?!
*clears throat* Constructive criticisms. A lot happens in this chapter in a very short amount of time. It might help if you described everything just a little bit more slowly and carefully, just so we got everything clear as...[enter something clear here].
Good things: Hurray for Ebony! An actual decent human being. Three cheers. I'm so glad Ayu escaped; she deserves it after being beat up so bad by that stupid Cromad. And incredibly good call on the pentagram, Witchlouise. That, my dear, is a very witchy shape. And you got the points standing for the four elements and soul...it brings great pleasure to my heart every time an author does that. It's so...accurate. It's awesome. I'm really interested to see where this thing goes with Yllana and Igneous. It seems pretty complicated on both parts, something they're really gonna have to look into once we address this whole 'dying' issue...
Which reminds me. DID SHE JUST DIE? IS SHE OKAY? UPDATE SO I CAN FIND OUT!
*clears throat* And a good day to you.
| KayMacD 10/12/12 . chapter 4
It's strange. That song was actually stuck in my head before I read it. Great minds think alike, I suppose.
I think it's good that Yllana has good masters and that nothing too terrible happened to her. I'm sensing a lot of slavery parallels here, which is very insightful and is to be considered if it hasn't been already.
In the future, you might want to consider strengthening our connection with Ayu before she and Yllana decide to care so much about each other. We as readers haven't had a lot of time to see them talk together and figure out who the other person is, so we don't really know a lot about Ayu as a person or have an emotional connection with her.
Still, the story is moving along splendidly. It's very clear what Yllana is trying to accomplish and why, and her emotions read through very well as we're reading. So good job, and update soon!
| KayMacD 8/17/12 . chapter 3
Very interesting. Lots of information here. Not sure I'll remember all of it. :/
But it does seem like a very dark place, the Caeves. Not an incredibly creative name for a whole bunch of caves, but it's easy to remember.
The whole 'alternate planet' thing kinda feels a bit like sci-fi more than fantasy or supernatural, but the awesome magical stuff turns it back the other way.
I'm interested to see what happens next, so please update soon! :D
| KayMacD 8/11/12 . chapter 2
Wow. That's pretty me from him?"
May I just say, keep your tenses in mind. You often switch back in forth between present and past. It seems like things like how she feels and how her parents are are present, while her actions are in past. I suppose this makes sense, but it's also good to keep everything in either past or present, and not to switch between the two.
That said, the story really is wonderful. The preface made it perfectly suspenseful enough to make me want to see what happens, and throughout the entire party I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for something bad to happen. I really think you've got your characters' personalities sorted out very well, which is good. It gives them good clarity and makes them feel real. And you've got that cliffhanger, which makes me want you to update as soon as possible!